Wife ..Husband Jokes

Some wife bashers

If your dog is barking at the back door and your
wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed
mother and started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept
repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to
interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain
is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so
deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect
himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
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Married life can be very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
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A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and
threw in a penny.The wife decided to make a wish too. But she leaned over too
much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but
then smiled "It really works!"
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A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband
exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."
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Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage,
the "y" becomes silent.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
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Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she
suspects him, and after death she respects him.
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There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go
thru hell for her. They got married - and now he is going thru hell.
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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing
: either the car is new or the wife is
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A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, "If
you don't promise to send us $100,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife."
The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my promise
but I hope you will keep yours."
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"What's the matter, you look depressed." "I'm having trouble with my wife."
"What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days."
"But that ought to make you happy." "It did, but today is the last day."