Showing posts with label police. Show all posts
Showing posts with label police. Show all posts

Monday, September 29, 2008

wife from hell

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, 'I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'


The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'


Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'


As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'


The wife smiles demurely and says 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'


As the officer makes out the 2nd ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,

'Damn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'


The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'


The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'


The wife says, 'Now dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt while you're driving.'


And as the police officer is writing out the 3rd ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP???'


The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'


'Only when he's been drinking.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Smart child



A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees
had phoned in sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello?"
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the
boss asked, "Is your Mummy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search
team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle "ME."