Showing posts with label adult. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adult. Show all posts

Monday, December 22, 2014

silly jokes

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?


Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday



*********



Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?



Customer: What other colors do you have?



*********



Manager: Sorry, but i can't give u a job. I don't need much help.



Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!



*********



Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?



Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.



*********





Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!



Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?



*********



Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.



Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!



*********



Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!



Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.



*********



Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!



Son: That's why I say she's no good!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Santa to Satisfy Female Gorilla

The Zoo acquired a female of a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle.



Upon examination, the Zoo vet found the problem. The female Gorilla was on heat and there were no male gorillas of the species available. It came to the Zoo management's attention that one of their employees, Santa Singh, possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.



So the Zoo administrators approached Santa with a proposition.

Would he be willing to have Sex with the gorilla for Rs. 50000?



Santa showed some interest but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.



The next day Santa announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:

First, "I don't have to kiss her."

Second, "You must never tell anyone about this"

&

Third, "I WILL NEED AT LEAST ONE WEEK TO ARRANGE THE Rs. 50000!"

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All the messagesbelow are just forwarded messages if some one feels hurt about it please add your comments we will remove the post.Host/author is not responsible for these posts.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Lucky Doctor

One morning at a doctor's clinic, a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain.

The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"

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The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and hewas dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, that's how I strained my back"

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The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck.
The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.
What the hell happened to you?"

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He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

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The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two Patients do.

The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"

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"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor........



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All the messages below are just forwarded messages if some one feels hurt about it please add your comments we will remove the post.Host/author is not responsible for these posts.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

what makes you to be Nityanand

If you are with ONE Girl,



it’s ANAND





If you are with 2 Girls,



it’s MAHANAND







If you are with 3 Girls,



it’s PARAMANAND











If you are with many many Girls,



then you must be ……..







Swami NITYANAND !



Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Twenty minute story


silly jokes

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?


Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday



*********



Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?



Customer: What other colors do you have?



*********



Manager: Sorry, but i can't give u a job. I don't need much help.



Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!



*********



Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?



Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.



*********





Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!



Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?



*********



Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.



Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!



*********



Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!



Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.



*********



Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!



Son: That's why I say she's no good!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

DR.Banta

A Doctor wanted to get off work and go for touring, so he approached his assistant, "Banta, I am going on tour tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all of our patients".

"Yes, sir!!!" answers Banta.

The doctor goes on tour and returns the following day and asks, "So,Banta, How was your day?" Banta told him that he took care of three
patients.

"The first one had a Headache so I gave him Analgin."

"Bravo Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had running nose and I gave him Coldarin, sir" says Banta.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything
including her inners and lies down on the table and shouts :

HELP ME! For 5 years I have not seen any man!!!!!"

And what did you do Banta?" asks the doctor.

Sahib - I put Gentamycin drops in her eyes!!!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Apartment for rent

a businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend

the night with her for $500. They did their thing,

and, before he left, he told her that he did

secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling

the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

>>

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had

done, realizing that the whole event had not been

worth the price. So he had his secretary send a cheque

for $250 and enclose the following typed note:

>>

"Dear Madam:

Enclosed find a cheque for $250 for rent of your

apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon,

because when I rented the place, I was under the

impression that:

#1 - it had never been occupied;

#2 - there was plenty of heat; and

#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home.

However, I found out that:

#1 - it had been previously occupied,

#2 - there wasn ' t any heat, and

#3 - it was entirely too large."

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately

returned the cheque for $250 with the following note:

" Dear Sir:

#1 - I cannot understand how you could expect a

beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.

#2 - As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you

know how to turn it on.

#3 - Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of

regular size, but if you don ' t have enough furniture

to fill it, please do not blame the management.

So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced

to contact your present landlady."

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

best short story



A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible.
The instructions were : The short story had to contain the following three words:
1: Religion,
2: Sexuality,
3: Mystry.

Below is the only A+ short story in the entire class....



"Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder Who did it".

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Nuns story.


There were two nuns..


One of them was known as Sister Mathematical
(SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical
(SL)..

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.


SM:
Have you noticed that a man has been following us for The past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL:
It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM:
Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL:
The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM:
It's not working..

SL:
Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM
: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL:
The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow
Sister Logical.



Sister Mathematical
arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then
Sister Logical arrives.

SM:
Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!


SL
: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me


SM
: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL
: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM
: And?

SL
: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM
: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL
: The only logical thing to do.
I lifted my dress up.


SM
: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL
: The only logical thing to do.
He pulled down his pants.




SM:
Oh, no! What happened then?

SL
: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.


And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

eat your heart out hahahahaha


Sunday, September 14, 2008

almost married

Two old high school buddies get together at their class reunion. Having not seen each other for many years, the first guy asks, 'How have things been going?'

The second guy, speaking very slowly replied, 'I w..a..s a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d.'

The first guy says in amazement, 'Hey, you don't stutter any more, that's great.'

The second guy replies, 'Y..e..s, I w..e..n..t t..o a d..o..c..t..o..r a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k s..l..o..w..l..y I w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r.'

The first guy congratulates him and then asks, 'What did you mean by you were almost married?'

'W..e..l..l, m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I w..e..r..e s..i..t..t..i..n..g o..n h..e..r p..o..r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g s..t..a..r..t..e..d s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k, a..n..d s..o I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t a..f..t..e..r w..e a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d, s..h..e c..a..n d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e. A..n..d t..h..e..n s..h..e s..l..a..p..p..e..d m..e a..n..d t..h..r..e..w t..h..e .r..i..n..g o..n t..h..e g..r..o..u..n..d.'

'Why would she do that? Wasn't she a romantic type?' asks the first guy.

'W..e..l..l, s..h..e w..a..s, b..u..t I s..p..e..a..k s..o s..l..o..w..l..y t..h..a..t, b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e l..o..o..k..e..d a..t t..h..e d..o..g, h..e w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..l..l..s.'

html adult version

via -agra tajmahal

Church message for men

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Intelligent Sardar


A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use...

But we didn't use them', the Sardarji complains.

Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.

But we didn't go to any of those shows,' sardarji complains again.

'Well, we have them, and you could have', the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies 'But we didn't use it'. The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check.
'But sir,' he says, 'this check is only made out for $100.' 'That's right,' says the sardarji,

'I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife.'

'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.

'Well,' the Sardarji replies, 'she was here, and you could have.'

Naughty SMS

Wife reads a book and tells her husband: A bull fucks 3000 times a year. U don't do quarter of that!
Husband says: Does d book say that d bull fucks d same cow?
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
Gang of sardars broke a bank,
But instead of cash they found glasses of lassi.
Happily they drank lassi n left.
Next day's headlines:
"SPERM BANK LOOTED".
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *
Banta NE Suhag raat ko biwi se pucha: Kya tum VIRGIN ho?
Biwi: Ji, magar PEECHE se! Aur Tum?
Banta: Main bhi, magar aage se
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
VIRGIN AIRLINE's ad :

"TRY US"...
We are more experienced than our name suggests...! !"

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Why are condoms transparent?

Why are condoms transparent ?

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Any Guesses?

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Don't u know...
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..
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So that sperms can atleast enjoy the scene, even if their entry is
restricted.

Friday, August 29, 2008

religious boy friend and chemist father

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The Chemist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

'Well,' he said, 'I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's 'the' night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack.'

The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree.

He begins the prayer, but continues praying with his head down for several minutes after everyone starts eating.

The girl leans over and says, 'You never told me that you were such a religious person.'

He leans over to her and says, 'You never told me that your father is a Chemist.'

Saturday, July 26, 2008

condom and flu

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.

She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint

sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a CUT -glass

bowl sitting on top of it.The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated,

of all things, a condom!


When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.


The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange

floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.



'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing

to the bowl.


'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few


months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to
place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.


Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'