Showing posts with label engineer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label engineer. Show all posts

Thursday, June 14, 2012

A wednesday ..Software engineer

All of you who have seen the movie ‘Wednesday’... will love these rephrased Naseerudin Shah Dialogue’s...






Project Manager Rathore : kaun ho tum..??? kya pehchan hai tumhari ?



Unknown Caller : Kaun hoon mein...mein vo hu jo aaj committment karne se darta hai, Mein vo hoon jo aaj ghar jaane se darta ha, ye soch ke kahin ghar wale pehchanne se inkar na kar de...



mein vo hoon jo, aaj job change karta hai to sochta hai ki kahin recession mein mujhe company se na nikal de..



mein vo hoon jiski biwi usse friday ko dus bar phone karti hai, "kya kar rahe ho..?? kaam jyada hai..?? thak gaye ho..?? "

mera haal poochne ke liye ya kaam poochne ke liye nahi, rathore saab... balki vo ye jaanaa chahti hai ki... kahin hamesha ki tarah end moment pe boss ke bulane pe mein saturdary ko bhi office to nahi ja raha...



mein vo hoon jo breakfast ke time pe dinner karta hai, lunch time pe breakfast karta hai, dinner ke time pe lunch karta hai.. vo bhi time mil jae to...



mein vo hoon jo aksar phasta hain

kabhi Interviews ke sawaal mey phasta hai , kabhi Badi companiyon ke jaal mey phasta hai, kabhi boss aur client ke bawaal mey fasta hai.



Walk-In ki bheed to dekhi hogi aapne rathore saab... us bheed mein se koi bhi chehra chun lijie.. mein vo hoon..

Main ek….. SOFTWARE ENGINEER....hun




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 All the messagesbelow are just forwarded messages if some one feels hurt about it please add your comments we will remove the post.Host/author is not responsible for these posts.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Software Life and statistics


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 All the messagesbelow are just forwarded messages if some one feels hurt about it please add your comments we will remove the post.Host/author is not responsible for these posts.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Thought to Ponder About - Why is No one Happy?


Yesterday, I was driving, and the FM radio went off for few seconds. I thought, I should have an iPod. Then suddenly I realized that I have not used my iPod in last 6 months. And then, more things, Handy cam in last 2 years, Digital Camera in last 2 months, DVD player in last 1 month and many more. Now I can say that I bought that Handy cam just out of impulse, I have used it twice only in last 4 years.




So, what's wrong and where? When I look at myself or my friends I can see it everywhere. We are not happy with what we have but all are stressed and not happy for the things we don't have. You have a Santro, but you want City; You have a City, but you want Skoda. Just after buying a new phone, we need another one. Better laptop, bigger TV, faster car, bigger house, more money, .I mean, these examples are endless. The point is, does it actually worth? Do we ever think if we actually need those things before we want them?



After this, I was forced to think what I need and what I don't. May be I didn't need this Handy cam or the iPod or that DVD player. When I see my father back at home. He has a simple BPL colour TV, he doesn't need 32" Sony LCD wall mount. He has a cell phone worth Rs 2,500. Whenever I ask him to change the phone, he always says, "Its a phone, I need this just for calls."



And believe me; he is much happier in life than me with those limited resources and simple gadgets. The very basic reason why he is happy with so little is that he doesn't want things in life to make it luxurious, but he wants only those things which are making his life easier. It's a very fine line between these two, but after looking my father's life style closely, I got the point. He needs a cell phone but not the iPhone. He needs a TV but not the 32" plasma. He needs a car but not an expensive one.



Initially I had lot of questions.



I am earning good, still I am not happy,...why ?



I have all luxuries, still I am stressed.... ....... why ?



I had a great weekend, still I am feeling tired...... why?



I met lot of people, I thought over it again and again, I still don't know if I got the answers, but certainly figured out few things. I realize that one thing which is keeping me stressed is the "stay connected" syndrome. I realized that, at home also I am logged in on messengers, checking mails, using social networks, and on the top of that, the windows mobile is not letting me disconnected. On the weekend itself, trying to avoid unwanted calls, and that is keeping my mind always full of stress. I realized that I am spending far lesser money than what I earn, even then I am always worried about money and more money. I realized that I am saving enough money I would ever need, whenever needed. Still I am stressed about job and salary and spends.



May be, many people will call this approach "not progressive attitude", but I want my life back. Ultimately it's a single life, a day gone is a day gone. I believe if I am not happy tonight, I'll never be happy tomorrow morning. I finally realized that meeting friends, spending quality time with your loved one's; spending time with yourself is the most important thing.



If on Sunday you are alone and you don't have anybody to talk with, then all that luxuries life, all that money is wasted. May be cutting down your requirements, re-calculating your future goal in the light of today's happiness is a worthwhile thing to do. May be selling off your Santro and buying Honda City on EMIs is not a good idea. I believe putting your happiness ahead of money is the choice we need to make.



I think, a lot can be said and done but what we need the most is re-evaluation of the value of happiness and time we are giving to our life and people associated with it.



Think about it.


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Monday, May 2, 2011

software engineer life

ఏమి జీవితం రా …..



కాలేజి లో ఉన్నన్నాళ్ళు చదువులు ఎప్పుడు అయిపోతాయ్ , exams నుంచి విముక్తి ఎప్పుడు వస్తుంది , job లో డబ్బులు ఎప్పుడు సంపాదిస్తాం అని తొందర పడతాం . ఉన్న జాబును వదేలయసే ఈప్పుడు చూడు again job search లో నా .. నా తిప్పలు పడి కనపడిన ప్రతి company interview attend అయి , ఏదోలా job సంపాదిస్తాం .

Job join.

First month - no work.only enjoy - all happies
Second month - work + enjoy – ok
Third month - only work. no enjoy - problem starts
అప్పటికి office politics తెలుస్తాయ్ .
పక్క team లో manager మంచోడు అయుంటాడు .
పక్క team లో అమ్మాయిలు బావుంటారు .
పక్క team లో hikes బాగా ఇస్తారు .
పక్క team లో work అసలే ఉండదు .
మనకి మాత్రం రోజు festival..
చేసిన పనికి ... చెయ్యని పనికి దొబ్బించుకోవటమే . ఒక్కో client ఏమో పిచ్చి నా .. requirements ఇస్తాడు . అవి పని చెయ్యవు అని తెలిసి కూడా అలానే చెయ్యాలి . అర్ధ రాత్రి support లు . onsite వాడిని బూతులు తిట్టి పారిపోదాం అనిపిస్తుంది . కానీ office లో net connection free and coffee free అనే ఒక్క ఆలోచన ఆపేస్తుంది . మనకి ఒక batch తయారవుతుంది .
ప్రతి రోజు TL, PM ని తిట్టుకుంటూ ఒక ఆరు నెలలు గడిపేస్తాం . ఇలా loop లో పెట్టి కొడితే రెండు ఏళ్ళు అయిపోతాయ్ . అప్పటికి కళ్ళ చుట్టూ black circles, వేళ్ళు వంకర్లు , మెడ నొప్పులు ... పిచ్చ నా .. జబ్బులు అన్ని వచ్చేసి ఉంటాయ్ . సొంత అమ్మ , నాన్న , అక్క , చెల్లి , అన్న , తమ్ముడి నే చుట్టం చూపుగా చూడటానికి వెళ్తుంటాం . ఒక వేళ bro/sis ఉంటే , వాళ్ళే .. s/w field లో ఉంటే .. అర్ధం చేసుకొని తిట్టటం మానేస్తారు . అలా లేకపోతే phone చేసిన ప్రతిసారి సంజాయిషీ .
salary పడుతూ ఉంటుంది . bonds కి అని , mutual funds కి అని , credit card bills కి అని కట్టి కట్టి .. సంపాదించింది అంతా ధార పోస్తాం . ఇంకేమన్నా మిగిలితే తెలివైనోడు అయితే home loan మీద , మనలాంటి వాడు అయితే గాలి తిరుగుడు మీద తగలేసేస్తాం .
ఇలా జీవితం ప్రశాంతంగా సాగుతూ .. ఉండగా one fine day ఎవడో ఒక ex-colleague / colleague పెళ్లి settle అయింది అని పిలుస్తాడు . మనకి ఒక అమ్మాయ్ ఉంటే బావుండు అనే ఒక వెర్రి ఆలోచన పుడుతుంది . మన s/w field లో బావున్న అమ్మాయిలు అంతా booked, married or north indians అయి ఉంటారు . అక్కడే వంద లో 95 మంది filter అయిపోతారు . మిగతా ఐదు లో 4 మందిని "friend" కంటే అక్కా .. అని పిలవటం better అనేటట్టు ఉంటారు . ఆ మిగిలిన ఒక్క అమ్మాయ్ కోసం team అంతా కొట్టేసుకుంటూ ఉంటాం . ఆ అమ్మాయ్ ఎవరితోనూ commit అవ్వకుండానే అందరితో free గా బతికేస్తూ .. ఉంటుంది . One more fine day పెళ్లి card ఇస్తుంది . ఇంకేముంది Heart breaking లా దేవదాస్ లా గడ్డం పెంచేసుకొని .. ఆ అమ్మాయి మంచిది కాదు అని deciding. next day నుంచి ఇంకొకళ్ళకి trying.
Reviews వస్తాయ్ . " నువ్వు excellent, నువ్వే లేనిదే company లేదు , కత్తి , కేక , కమాల్ , etc, etc ... " అని చెప్పి ఊరించి చివర్లో .. "but" అంటారు . తీరా చూస్తే నీ salary లో ఇంకో సనక్కాయ్ పెంచాం , పో .. అంటారు . Resume update cheyyali అని గత ఆరు నెలలు గా తీస్కుంటున్న decision ని మళ్ళా ఒకసారి స్మరించుకుని .. అలా ఇచ్చిన సనక్కాయల మీద బతికేస్తుంటాం .
… ఛీ .. ఎదవ జీవితం !!!









----------------------------------------------------------------------------All the messagesbelow are just forwarded messages if some one feels hurt about it please add your comments we will remove the post.Host/author is not responsible for these posts.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

balakrishna joke -II ( As Software engineer)

if balakrishna was a software engineer, his dialoges:
1) Etthi kottanante Google search lo kooda kanapadakunda potav...
2) Orey Java Reddy, Nenu VB chesa, VC chesa, C kuda chesa nee yabba neenu Java kuda chesa... Nuvvu.. Software vamsam lo ne puttunte.. neeke ganaka.. oka company vunte.. laptop, desktop rendu vunte... raa ra.. dammunte naaku interview cheyyara... raa ra
3) Gattiga Keyboard button nokkanate.. aa sound ke job istav.. alantidi nenu personal gaa vatchi interview ivvatam entra...
4) Debugging naaku maa amma uggu paalatho pattindi ra.
5) Program nuvvu ichina sare, nannu raayamanna sare, Logic nuvvu cheppina sare nannu alochinchamanna sare, eppudayina ekkadaina ee cyber center lo nina sare ... choosukundam

enjoy more balayya jokes @

Balayya Jokes

Monday, September 29, 2008

smart father in law and quality engineer

A Quality Engineer married an average girl…
After 2 years of tough life with her, finally Engineer got angry and sent a note to father-in-law stating that

'YOUR PRODUCT DOES NOT MEET MY REQUIREMENTS'.

The smart father-in-law replies,

'WARRANTY EXPIRED.... MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE'.....

Friday, July 11, 2008

Whom to marry in software cycle

Vidhya: hey! what is the matter you have called up all of a sudden?

Nithya : do u remember that my parents gave my horoscope, to search for a

suitable match, to many people? So many horoscopes of the groom has come..

in that 4-5 seems to match.. I don't know which one to select, I am

confused because of it.

Vidhya: what is the confusion about?

Nithya: horoscopes of many software engineers have come. It seems now a

days, the software guys are wanting to marry girls in the other field.

That's why I don't know whom I must select among this. You are a

software engineer na pls give me some suggestion .

vidhya: not a problem at all. So tell me the position that each one holds.

nithya: first is a manager.

vidhya: manager?? Then he will showcast himself that he is busy always. But

he will not do anything properly. He will get u 1 kg of rice and ask you to

prepare for the whole area say a village. He will get you mutton and ask

you to prepare chicken 65. Even if you protest telling you can't make it,

he'll not accept. He will tell you to work hard day and night to prepare

it. He will also tell he'll provide you with the night cab. Even if you ask how can I prepare chicken 65 out of it by sitting day and night he will not accept.

Nithya: ohh..so dangerous he is!! Then I must escape. Next is a test engineer.

vidhya: he is more dangerous than the other person. Whatever you do he will

correctly tell only the fault in it. Even if you try to surprise him with

10 variety of food, he will tell the item which does not have salt in it.

If you ask him "will you not at least tell that it is good", he will reply

back saying it is your duty to make it good so why must I tell that. He is

sooo good.

Nithya: then a NO to him also. Next is the performance test engineer.

vidhya: he is another specimen.. even if everything is good, he will ask

why did it take this much time. If you take 10 minutes to make a coffee, he

will question you asking why you have taken 10 min for a coffee which can

be done within 5 min. Even if you say that he is talking about the instant

coffee while you have made the filter coffee, he will not accept. The same

will be with all the work you do. You must not think about this person if

you want to do make up in your life !!!

Nithya: then! you mean to say that we should not marry software guys??

Vidhya: who said like that?? In software there is one more group. They are

called the developers group. How much ever you hit them they will bear.

Nithya: then tell about them.

Vidhya: you don't have to do anything. They will do everything themselves.

If we sit back and just boost them it is enough. But the problem with them

is- they will say "I know it" whatever you ask them.

Even that is ok. They will bear how much ever you hit them but the

condition is you must keep saying "you are too good" after hitting them

every time.

Nithya: this is superb. Then we must search for this kind of a groom….

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Software engineer after death

A Software Engineer dies in a car accident and finds himself at the heavens door "Pearly Gates". A beautiful music is being played and all angels are dancing around and singing his name. There is a huge crowd and everyone is screaming his name. The engineer is very delighted and surprised.


Then he sees "Saint Peter" rushing towards him and shakes his hand and says, "Congratulations my son, we have been waiting a very long time to meet you".

The engineer is very embarrassed and asks "Saint Peter, congratulations for what? I honestly didn't do much while I was alive. Then why is all this?"

Saint Peter totally amazed says, "Congratulations for what!!! We're celebrating the fact that you lived for 260 years! .... GOD himself wants to meet you!"

The engineer looks perplexed, "but Saint Peter, I only lived until 36 years"

Saint Peter is shocked "This is impossible son. We have added up all your timesheets."

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Managers

A team of Managers were given an assignment to measure the height of a

flagpole. So the Managers go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape.

They're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole

thing is just a mess.

An Engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over,

pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end

to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.

After the Engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs."

See this idiot. We're looking for height and he gives the length!"

Moral: "No matter what good you do, Managers can always find fault in

you".

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Saints and IT professionals

Long back,
a person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
forgot laughter were called
'Saints'
But now they are called.
'IT/ ITES professionals'

Let Boss Speak --- By mala

A Junior Software engineer, a Senior Software engineer and their Project
Manager are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they
come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The
ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,
I will allow one wish each". So the eager Junior Software engineer
shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast
boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff" and he was gone. Now the Senior
Software engineer could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be in
Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff"
and he was also gone.
The Project Manager calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the
office after lunch at 1.30pm"
Moral of the story is:
"Always allow the boss to speak first"