Showing posts with label man. Show all posts
Showing posts with label man. Show all posts

Friday, April 15, 2016

Never Give Up.. For those who don't want to give up

Once upon a time a father was very frustrated with his son because he did not seem very manly though he was already sixteen years old. The father went to see a Zen master and asked the master to help his son become a real man. The master said: "I can help you; however, you will have to leave your son at my place for three months. For the whole period, you are not allowed to come to see him. I will assure your satisfaction after the three months." As promised, the father did not come back until three month later. The master arranged a karate match to show the father the training result. When the competition was starting, the father found out that the opponent was a karate trainer. The trainer certainly made sure that he was fully prepared to win before he started to attack. On the other side, the son fell on the floor as soon as he was attacked without any resistance. However, the boy did not surrender and got up immediately after he fell. It went on like this for no fewer than twenty times. His father was embarrassed and felt pain but dared not say anything. The boy lost badly when the match was over. The master asked the father: "Don't you think your son was showing manliness?" "I felt ashamed of him! After three months' training, what kind of result is this?! He is so weak and falls to the floor as soon as he is attacked. I don't think he is manly at all." The father was very disappointed. The master said: "I am sorry that you only look at the superficial forms of failure and success. Didn't you notice that your son had courage and bravery for standing up after his falls? It is a success if the standing-ups are more than falls, which is what a real man should possesses." The father had a sudden enlightenment and thanked the master deeply, and then he took his son home. 

Enlightenment from the Story: We should not just focus on instant results when we do something. The experiences gained and the effort given are the most precious. If one's life is always smooth, he/she will not taste the final sweetness of success after many tries without giving up. The really important virtue is to remember experiences and lessons from failures and bravely move forward to the road of success after planning a new.


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Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Apartment for rent

a businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend

the night with her for $500. They did their thing,

and, before he left, he told her that he did

secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling

the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

>>

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had

done, realizing that the whole event had not been

worth the price. So he had his secretary send a cheque

for $250 and enclose the following typed note:

>>

"Dear Madam:

Enclosed find a cheque for $250 for rent of your

apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon,

because when I rented the place, I was under the

impression that:

#1 - it had never been occupied;

#2 - there was plenty of heat; and

#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home.

However, I found out that:

#1 - it had been previously occupied,

#2 - there wasn ' t any heat, and

#3 - it was entirely too large."

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately

returned the cheque for $250 with the following note:

" Dear Sir:

#1 - I cannot understand how you could expect a

beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.

#2 - As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you

know how to turn it on.

#3 - Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of

regular size, but if you don ' t have enough furniture

to fill it, please do not blame the management.

So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced

to contact your present landlady."

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

coco cola sales man

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... Totally exhausted and panting. Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"

"That should have worked," said the friend.

The salesman replied, " Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realise that Arabs Read from Right to Left..."

Nuns story.


There were two nuns..


One of them was known as Sister Mathematical
(SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical
(SL)..

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.


SM:
Have you noticed that a man has been following us for The past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL:
It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM:
Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL:
The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM:
It's not working..

SL:
Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM
: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL:
The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow
Sister Logical.



Sister Mathematical
arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then
Sister Logical arrives.

SM:
Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!


SL
: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me


SM
: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL
: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM
: And?

SL
: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM
: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL
: The only logical thing to do.
I lifted my dress up.


SM
: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL
: The only logical thing to do.
He pulled down his pants.




SM:
Oh, no! What happened then?

SL
: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.


And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

eat your heart out hahahahaha


Saturday, December 13, 2008

husband,wife and blind man

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop; with them are their 8Children... A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.. After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!! The blind man replies: "If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus! So shut up and keep walking!!!!"

Friday, June 13, 2008

Result oriented man

Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"

"Look, I can't prescribe..."

"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I'm desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to hell! You've got to help me."

The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental; the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE."

"I don't know, doc. She's awfully cold."

"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"

"Um... okay."

He thanks the doc and heads for home where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. In fumbling haste, pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's coffee. He thinks for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful.

Then an inspiration strikes... he drops one pill into his own coffee. His wife returns and they enjoy their dessert and coffee. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look enters her eyes. In a near-whisper and in a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she says, "I need a man..."

His eyes glitter, and his hands tremble as he replies, "Me too

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Helping man

A man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and
said, "Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you—we've looked at your life, and you really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?"

The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, "Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of bikers. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the bikers. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the
woman or they would have to deal with me!"

"I'm impressed," St. Peter responded. "When did this happen?"

"About two minutes ago," came the reply.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Washer man,donkey and dog story

There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog. One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake. The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson. The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly. Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.

Moral of the story " One must not engage in duties other than his own"........................


Now take a new look at the same story…


The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute. He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night. He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it. Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet. The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed a " meets requirement" Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around. The donkey was rated as "star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a job rotation…

Moral ..."Just do your work.."

If you have worked in a corporate environment, I am sure you haveguessed the characters of the new story.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Man with no habits

A beggar came along and asked him for some money. Thev man ignored him. But
being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated
when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with
some money.

Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you
tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would
have bought a cup of tea", replied the
beggar.

The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then
took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.

The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."

The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar,
"Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".

The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".

The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race
course.Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets.
If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".

As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I
can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."

Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with
him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least
something from the man. But he still had his
doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with
you".

The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad
habits looks like."

Magic how is it done



Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Calories burnt in sex

CALORIES BURNED DURING SEX!





REMOVING HER CLOTHES:



With her consent 12 Calories


Without her consent 2,187 Calories







OPENING HER BRA:



With both hands 8 Calories


With one hand 12 Calories


With your teeth 485 Calories







PUTTING ON A CONDOM:



With an erection 6 Calories


Without an erection 3,315 Calories







POSITIONS:



Missionary 12 Calories


69 lying down 78 Calories



69 standing up 812 Calories


Wheelbarrow 216 Calories


Doggy Style 326 Calories


Italian chandelier 2,912 Calories







ORGASMS:



Real 112 Calories


Fake 1,315 Calories







POST ORGASM:



Lying in bed hugging 18 Calories


Getting up immediately 36 Calories


Explaining why you got out of bed immediately 816
Calories








GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:



If you are:




20-29 years 36 Calories


30-39 years 80 Calories


40-49 years 124 Calories


50-59 years 1,972 Calories


60-69 years 7,916 Calories


70 and over Results are still pending







DRESSING AFTERWARDS:



Calmly.. 32 Calories


In a hurry 98 Calories


With her father knocking at the door 5,218 Calories


With your wife knocking at the door 13,521 Calories






Results may vary!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Nuns and Blind Man

Four nuns were assigned to paint a room in a church. It was a really warm day and the nuns were getting really hot in those black clothes they wear. So they took off all their clothes and went on painting naked.

Later they heard a knock on the door....

"Who is it???",

The man who knocked replied, "I'm the blind man".
So, the nuns decided to let him in since he would not be able to see them.

The man then looked around the room, then looked at them and said, "Nice bodies sisters, where do you want the blinds to be put??"

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Pregnant lady

This is from an actual trial in the UK : A young woman who was

several months pregnant boarded a bus.

When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling

humiliated on Account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on her third move he burst out

laughing.... ......... ......She had him arrested.

Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked

why he acted in such a manner.


His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help

noticing she was pregnant..

She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The

Gold Dust Twins'.

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving

advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third

move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber

would have prevented this accident.'

The case was dismissed... ......! !!!!!!!