Showing posts with label father. Show all posts
Showing posts with label father. Show all posts

Friday, April 15, 2016

Never Give Up.. For those who don't want to give up

Once upon a time a father was very frustrated with his son because he did not seem very manly though he was already sixteen years old. The father went to see a Zen master and asked the master to help his son become a real man. The master said: "I can help you; however, you will have to leave your son at my place for three months. For the whole period, you are not allowed to come to see him. I will assure your satisfaction after the three months." As promised, the father did not come back until three month later. The master arranged a karate match to show the father the training result. When the competition was starting, the father found out that the opponent was a karate trainer. The trainer certainly made sure that he was fully prepared to win before he started to attack. On the other side, the son fell on the floor as soon as he was attacked without any resistance. However, the boy did not surrender and got up immediately after he fell. It went on like this for no fewer than twenty times. His father was embarrassed and felt pain but dared not say anything. The boy lost badly when the match was over. The master asked the father: "Don't you think your son was showing manliness?" "I felt ashamed of him! After three months' training, what kind of result is this?! He is so weak and falls to the floor as soon as he is attacked. I don't think he is manly at all." The father was very disappointed. The master said: "I am sorry that you only look at the superficial forms of failure and success. Didn't you notice that your son had courage and bravery for standing up after his falls? It is a success if the standing-ups are more than falls, which is what a real man should possesses." The father had a sudden enlightenment and thanked the master deeply, and then he took his son home. 

Enlightenment from the Story: We should not just focus on instant results when we do something. The experiences gained and the effort given are the most precious. If one's life is always smooth, he/she will not taste the final sweetness of success after many tries without giving up. The really important virtue is to remember experiences and lessons from failures and bravely move forward to the road of success after planning a new.


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Monday, September 29, 2008

smart father in law and quality engineer

A Quality Engineer married an average girl…
After 2 years of tough life with her, finally Engineer got angry and sent a note to father-in-law stating that

'YOUR PRODUCT DOES NOT MEET MY REQUIREMENTS'.

The smart father-in-law replies,

'WARRANTY EXPIRED.... MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE'.....

Friday, August 29, 2008

religious boy friend and chemist father

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The Chemist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

'Well,' he said, 'I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's 'the' night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack.'

The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree.

He begins the prayer, but continues praying with his head down for several minutes after everyone starts eating.

The girl leans over and says, 'You never told me that you were such a religious person.'

He leans over to her and says, 'You never told me that your father is a Chemist.'

Saturday, July 26, 2008

condom and flu

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.

She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint

sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a CUT -glass

bowl sitting on top of it.The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated,

of all things, a condom!


When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.


The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange

floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.



'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing

to the bowl.


'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few


months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to
place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.


Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Come let us


A ten year old girl rushes to her grandmother and asks her, “Can I be pregnant?"

Grandmother, "Are you fooling. You can not be pregnant. Go and play out side."

The girl then goes to grandfather and asks him the same question and the reply also is the same.

The girl goes to her father with the same question and gets a slap on her face with a same reply.

Finally she goes to her mother and asks her, “Mama, Can I be pregnant?"
Mama shouts at her “You madcap. You fool. You can not. Don't even think like that."

Girl comes out of her building to meet her twelve year old boy-friend and shouts at him, “See every body has confirmed that I can not be pregnant. There is nothing to worry. You always worry unnecessarily. Come let us ......."

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Condom packs

A father and his son go into the drug store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms.
The father replies, "Well, you see that 3 pack? That`s for when you`re in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night."
Nodding agreement, the son asks his father, "Then what`s the 6 pack for?"
"That`s for when you`re in college," the father says. "You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning."
Following this line of logic, the son enthusiastically asks what the 12 pack is for.
"That`s for when you`re married, son. You have one for January, one for February, one for March..."

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Smart child



A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees
had phoned in sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello?"
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the
boss asked, "Is your Mummy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search
team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle "ME."

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Calories burnt in sex

CALORIES BURNED DURING SEX!





REMOVING HER CLOTHES:



With her consent 12 Calories


Without her consent 2,187 Calories







OPENING HER BRA:



With both hands 8 Calories


With one hand 12 Calories


With your teeth 485 Calories







PUTTING ON A CONDOM:



With an erection 6 Calories


Without an erection 3,315 Calories







POSITIONS:



Missionary 12 Calories


69 lying down 78 Calories



69 standing up 812 Calories


Wheelbarrow 216 Calories


Doggy Style 326 Calories


Italian chandelier 2,912 Calories







ORGASMS:



Real 112 Calories


Fake 1,315 Calories







POST ORGASM:



Lying in bed hugging 18 Calories


Getting up immediately 36 Calories


Explaining why you got out of bed immediately 816
Calories








GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:



If you are:




20-29 years 36 Calories


30-39 years 80 Calories


40-49 years 124 Calories


50-59 years 1,972 Calories


60-69 years 7,916 Calories


70 and over Results are still pending







DRESSING AFTERWARDS:



Calmly.. 32 Calories


In a hurry 98 Calories


With her father knocking at the door 5,218 Calories


With your wife knocking at the door 13,521 Calories






Results may vary!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

women cry ..watch her eyes



A little boy asked his mother, 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm a woman,' she told him.

'I don't understand,' he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, 'And you never will.'

Later the little boy asked his father, 'Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?'

'All women cry for no reason,' was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry..

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, 'God, why do women cry so easily?'

God said

'When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.'

'You see my son,' said God, 'the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides.'

Monday, April 14, 2008

Breast Size

A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are
there?"

The father, surprised, answers: "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In
her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties
to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they
are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, see them and they make you cry."

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Trust

Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter,
'Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river.'
The little girl said, 'No, Dad. You hold my hand.'
'What's the difference?' Asked the puzzled father.
'There's a big difference,' replied the little girl.

'If I hold your hand and something happens to me,
chances are that I may let your hand go.
But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens,
you will never let my hand go.'


In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind,

but in its bond.

So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours...
This message is too short......but carries a lot of Feelings.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Popup message

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together

in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into

a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we

discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine

months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

;
;
;
;
;


"You got a Male!"

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Priceless words

PRICELESS WORDS

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed. He looks around the room and sees that
it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and
sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM , drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye
when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks,
"So, why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off,
you said,

"LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Confession

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly , sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet , not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says , "Dark in here."
The man says , "Yes , it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No , thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK , how much?"
Boy - "$150"
Man - "Sold."

In the next few weeks , it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes , it is."
Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The lover , remembering the last time , asks the boy , "How much?"
Boy - "$350"
Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."

A few days later , the father says to the boy , "Grab your gloves , let's go outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says , "I can't , I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks , "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy says , "$500"

The father says , "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... That is way more than those two things cost.

I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says , "Dark in here."
The priest says , "Don't start that shit again , you're in my closet now.