Showing posts with label cop. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cop. Show all posts

Monday, September 29, 2008

wife from hell

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, 'I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'


The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'


Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'


As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'


The wife smiles demurely and says 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'


As the officer makes out the 2nd ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,

'Damn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'


The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'


The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'


The wife says, 'Now dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt while you're driving.'


And as the police officer is writing out the 3rd ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP???'


The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'


'Only when he's been drinking.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Smart answer 4

A truck driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up thatread 'Low
Bridge Ahead.'Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got
stuck underit. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
Thepoliceman got out of his car and walked to the truck's cab and said to
thedriver, 'Got stuck, eh?'The truck driver said, 'No, I was delivering this
bridge and ran out ofdiesel!'

Smart answer -3 cop and kid

The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for
speeding,rolled down his window.'I've been waiting for you all day,' the cop
said.The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'When the
policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his waywithout a ticket*.

Old lady and Cop

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...



Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?



Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.



Older Woman: Oh, I see.



Officer: Can I see your license please?



Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.



Officer: Don't have one?



Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.



Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.



Older Woman: I can't do that.



Officer: Why not?



Older Woman: I stole this car.



Officer: Stole it?



Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.



Officer: You what?



Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and

slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer

slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.



Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.



Older woman: Is there a problem sir?



Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.



Older Woman: Murdered the owner?



Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.



The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.



Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?



Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.



Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license



The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the

license. He looks quite puzzled.



Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that

you murdered and hacked up the owner.



Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too, didn't he?....



Don't Mess With Old Ladies (or ANY LADY)!!