Wonderfull definations

Wonderfully described definitions.........










CIGARETTE:

A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!



MARRIAGE:

It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master



LECTURE:

An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students

without passing through the minds

of either



CONFERENCE:

The confusion of one man

multiplied by the

number present





COMPROMISE:

The art of dividing

a cake in such a way that

everybody believes

he got the biggest piece





TEARS:

The hydraulic force by which

masculine will power is

defeated by feminine water-power!



CONFERENCE ROOM:

A place where everybody talks,

nobody listens

and everybody disagrees later on





ECSTASY:

A feeling when you feel

you are going to feel

a feeling

you have never felt before



CLASSIC:

A book

which people praise,

but never read



SMILE:

A curve

that can set

a lot of things straight!





OFFICE:

A place

where you can relax

after your strenuous

home life



YAWN:

The only time

when some married men

ever get to open

their mouth





EXPERIENCE:

The name

men give

to their

Mistakes





DIPLOMAT:

A person

who tells you

to go to hell

in such a way

that you actually look forward

to the trip





OPTIMIST:

A person

who while falling

from EIFFEL TOWER

says in midway

"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"





MISER:

A person

who lives poor

so that

he can die RICH!





FATHER:

A banker

provided by

nature





BOSS:

Someone

who is early

when you are late

and late

when you are early





POLITICIAN:

One who

shakes your hand

before elections

and your Confidence

Later









DOCTOR:

A person

who kills

your ills

by pills,

and kills you

by his bills!





-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------All the messagesbelow are just forwarded messages if some one feels hurt about it please add your comments we will remove the post.Host/author is not responsible for these posts.

All about Rajinikanth ...Just joking

When Rajnikant was studyin in 3rd std....some1 stole his rough note....&

Now they call it as .............Wikipedia



Crazy people!!!! ;)





===========================================================

When Rajnikant was a Student……..



Teachers use to Bunk the classes!!!



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Rajnikant started college. All student were confused while taking admission because name of college is

“Rajnikant’s Medical College of Engineering for Commerce”.





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Rajnikant purchased a road roller…





Guess why??????





To Iron his Clothes……………………………



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Rajnikant was shot today..

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Funeral of the bullet is tomorrow…J





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THE MOST NEGLECTED FACT OF THE ENTIRE DECADE!!!!



Once a farmer replaces scare crow in the farm with Rajnikant’s statue…



..And Birds returned grains they took last year as well



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If Rajni works in BPO, clients would work in shifts! :D



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Rajinikant got 150 questions in exam paper asking - "Solve any 100 questions"



He solved all 150 and wrote, " Rascalla!, CHECK ANY 100!"



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One day Rajani thought to play cricket in monsoon and rain stopped due to play….



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Tonight at 9 Rajani can be seen in the sky… as he is participating in the Asian Games’ high jump event…



===========================================================



What do you think Vodafone 3G tag line should be :-

Faster ..

Better…

RAJNIKANT….





No it should be (strictly)



RAJNIKANT.

RAJNIKANT..

RAJNIKANT…



Mind it

===========================================================



Rajnikanth's next project is the Titanic in Tamil. However, Rajni has twisted the climax. Both the lead actors survive. Rajni swims

across the Atlantic Ocean with the heroine in one hand and... the Titanic in the other



===========================================================



“Rajnikanth doesn’t breathe…air comes to hide in his lungs”



===========================================================



“Who says the world will be destroyed in Dec 2012…..Rajnikant just bought a Laptop with three years warranty”…..:P

===========================================================





Rajni can walk faster than light….



“Rajni cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another”.



===========================================================

Law of Conservation of Rajni





All scientists failed to answer this but rajnikanth did...
Ques: Which liquid turns solid on heating?
Ans: Dosa... mind it!!!

===========================================================



Once a photo of Rajnikant was givenfor Xerox. Don’t even try to guess what happened…

We got two copies of the Xerox machine.





===========================================================



One more:



Once upon a time

Rajnikant used Tooth Powder to get strong teeth



Today that powder is known as….



“AMBUJA CEMENT”







-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All the messagesbelow are just forwarded messages if some one feels hurt about it please add your comments we will remove the post.Host/author is not responsible for these posts.

software engineer life

ఏమి జీవితం రా …..



కాలేజి లో ఉన్నన్నాళ్ళు చదువులు ఎప్పుడు అయిపోతాయ్ , exams నుంచి విముక్తి ఎప్పుడు వస్తుంది , job లో డబ్బులు ఎప్పుడు సంపాదిస్తాం అని తొందర పడతాం . ఉన్న జాబును వదేలయసే ఈప్పుడు చూడు again job search లో నా .. నా తిప్పలు పడి కనపడిన ప్రతి company interview attend అయి , ఏదోలా job సంపాదిస్తాం .

Job join.

First month - no work.only enjoy - all happies
Second month - work + enjoy – ok
Third month - only work. no enjoy - problem starts
అప్పటికి office politics తెలుస్తాయ్ .
పక్క team లో manager మంచోడు అయుంటాడు .
పక్క team లో అమ్మాయిలు బావుంటారు .
పక్క team లో hikes బాగా ఇస్తారు .
పక్క team లో work అసలే ఉండదు .
మనకి మాత్రం రోజు festival..
చేసిన పనికి ... చెయ్యని పనికి దొబ్బించుకోవటమే . ఒక్కో client ఏమో పిచ్చి నా .. requirements ఇస్తాడు . అవి పని చెయ్యవు అని తెలిసి కూడా అలానే చెయ్యాలి . అర్ధ రాత్రి support లు . onsite వాడిని బూతులు తిట్టి పారిపోదాం అనిపిస్తుంది . కానీ office లో net connection free and coffee free అనే ఒక్క ఆలోచన ఆపేస్తుంది . మనకి ఒక batch తయారవుతుంది .
ప్రతి రోజు TL, PM ని తిట్టుకుంటూ ఒక ఆరు నెలలు గడిపేస్తాం . ఇలా loop లో పెట్టి కొడితే రెండు ఏళ్ళు అయిపోతాయ్ . అప్పటికి కళ్ళ చుట్టూ black circles, వేళ్ళు వంకర్లు , మెడ నొప్పులు ... పిచ్చ నా .. జబ్బులు అన్ని వచ్చేసి ఉంటాయ్ . సొంత అమ్మ , నాన్న , అక్క , చెల్లి , అన్న , తమ్ముడి నే చుట్టం చూపుగా చూడటానికి వెళ్తుంటాం . ఒక వేళ bro/sis ఉంటే , వాళ్ళే .. s/w field లో ఉంటే .. అర్ధం చేసుకొని తిట్టటం మానేస్తారు . అలా లేకపోతే phone చేసిన ప్రతిసారి సంజాయిషీ .
salary పడుతూ ఉంటుంది . bonds కి అని , mutual funds కి అని , credit card bills కి అని కట్టి కట్టి .. సంపాదించింది అంతా ధార పోస్తాం . ఇంకేమన్నా మిగిలితే తెలివైనోడు అయితే home loan మీద , మనలాంటి వాడు అయితే గాలి తిరుగుడు మీద తగలేసేస్తాం .
ఇలా జీవితం ప్రశాంతంగా సాగుతూ .. ఉండగా one fine day ఎవడో ఒక ex-colleague / colleague పెళ్లి settle అయింది అని పిలుస్తాడు . మనకి ఒక అమ్మాయ్ ఉంటే బావుండు అనే ఒక వెర్రి ఆలోచన పుడుతుంది . మన s/w field లో బావున్న అమ్మాయిలు అంతా booked, married or north indians అయి ఉంటారు . అక్కడే వంద లో 95 మంది filter అయిపోతారు . మిగతా ఐదు లో 4 మందిని "friend" కంటే అక్కా .. అని పిలవటం better అనేటట్టు ఉంటారు . ఆ మిగిలిన ఒక్క అమ్మాయ్ కోసం team అంతా కొట్టేసుకుంటూ ఉంటాం . ఆ అమ్మాయ్ ఎవరితోనూ commit అవ్వకుండానే అందరితో free గా బతికేస్తూ .. ఉంటుంది . One more fine day పెళ్లి card ఇస్తుంది . ఇంకేముంది Heart breaking లా దేవదాస్ లా గడ్డం పెంచేసుకొని .. ఆ అమ్మాయి మంచిది కాదు అని deciding. next day నుంచి ఇంకొకళ్ళకి trying.
Reviews వస్తాయ్ . " నువ్వు excellent, నువ్వే లేనిదే company లేదు , కత్తి , కేక , కమాల్ , etc, etc ... " అని చెప్పి ఊరించి చివర్లో .. "but" అంటారు . తీరా చూస్తే నీ salary లో ఇంకో సనక్కాయ్ పెంచాం , పో .. అంటారు . Resume update cheyyali అని గత ఆరు నెలలు గా తీస్కుంటున్న decision ని మళ్ళా ఒకసారి స్మరించుకుని .. అలా ఇచ్చిన సనక్కాయల మీద బతికేస్తుంటాం .
… ఛీ .. ఎదవ జీవితం !!!









----------------------------------------------------------------------------All the messagesbelow are just forwarded messages if some one feels hurt about it please add your comments we will remove the post.Host/author is not responsible for these posts.

India wins worldcup..funny images

----------------------------------------------------------------------------All the messagesbelow are just forwarded messages if some one feels hurt about it please add your comments we will remove the post.Host/author is not responsible for these posts.

Lucky Doctor

One morning at a doctor's clinic, a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain.

The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"

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The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and hewas dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, that's how I strained my back"

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The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck.
The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.
What the hell happened to you?"

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He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

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The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two Patients do.

The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"

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"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor........



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All the messages below are just forwarded messages if some one feels hurt about it please add your comments we will remove the post.Host/author is not responsible for these posts.

Indian tounge Twister

What does













“Nine Pipe Pour Pour Pipe Pour Pipe Pour Pour Pipe”



Means????

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Not a Tongue TwisterLL

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Didn’t get?????

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Lallu Prasad Giving his mobile number

“9544545445”


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All the messages below are just forwarded messages if some one feels hurt about it please add your comments we will remove the post.Host/author is not responsible for these posts.

What does













“Nine Pipe Pour Pour Pipe Pour Pipe Pour Pour Pipe”



Means????

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Not a Tongue TwisterLL

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Didn’t get?????

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Lallu Prasad Giving his mobile number

“9544545445”



Ha ha ha ha….JJJ


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Bapu's apprisal

'Agar koi tumhari salary na increase kare, tumhe promotion na de,

tum kam karte raho....

sirf kam hi nehi zada kam karo......

promotion ki ummed na karo.......

Dekhna, Uski aatma ek din jaroor jaagegi.

Aur vo tumhe salary hike aur promotion zaroor dega'

Aur agar fir bhi koi salary hike aur promotion nahi mile ,

to uske paas jana, use ek Guldasta dena.... aur Vinamrata se kehna.......



I am resigning

and

GET WELL SOON MAMU


Baapu Ne Bola Hai....

Sab ko bhejo...

Jokes ..to bring little smile.

Boy: after our marriage..u promise me dat u wont ask for separate house for your own..

Girl: No dear, I am not like dat kinda gal..u can shift ur Mom to some other house..



"Rishta wahi..Soch nayi"



==================***********=============================



Girl to her BF: Is week movie dekhenge..

nxt week shopping karenge..



BF: Uske nxt week mai mandir jayunga...

GF: woh kyu?

BF: Bheek mangne...



==================***********=============================



A Woman was kidnapped ..

the kidnapper sent a piece of her finger to her Husband and demanded money.

Husband replied : " I want more proof..MUNDI bhejo MUNDI "



==================***********=============================



Marwadi donates blood to an Arab, Arab gifts him a Ferrari.



Marwadi again donates him blood, but this time he gives him only 1 rupee.



Marwadi - Yeh kya hai?



Arab- Ab meri ragome tera khoon daud raha hai. :)))



==================***********=============================



Husband : Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife : Why Three?

Husband : For you and your parents



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A Man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary & his wife did not speak to him for 3 months!



Was the necklace fake?



No,that was the Deal.



==================***********=============================



Sharabi-AAJ Tab tak piyenge

jab tak woh saamne wale 3

ped 6 nahi

dikhte

pub manager-saalon bas karo

saamne pehle se hi 1 ped hai



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dulha on marriage to dulhan"shadi se pahle tera koi boyfrnd tha kya?"

dulhan silent

dulha"is khamoshi ko main kya samzu?"

dulhan"Abe gin to lene de...."



==================***********=============================

Perfect Husband

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: ‘Hello

WOMAN: ‘Darling, it’s me. Are you at the club?

MAN: ‘Yes

WOMAN: ‘I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?

MAN: ‘Sure ¦go ahead if you like it that much.

WOMAN: ‘I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008 models. I saw one I really liked.

MAN: ‘How much?

WOMAN: ‘$70,000?

MAN: ‘OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.

WOMAN: ‘Great! Oh, and one more thing ¦ The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000?

MAN: ‘Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price.

WOMAN: ‘OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!!

MAN: ‘Bye! I love you, too.

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open ¦..

He smiles and asks, ‘Anyone knows who this phone belongs to?

Jokes on physics

Physics would have been much much Easier...


If..

If..

If..

If..

The Tree itself had Fallen On Newton's Head Instead of the Apple..!!

************************************************** ***************

How Newton Died ?



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He died After seen South Indian Movies..



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Coz He Couldnt Bear Rajnikant Breakin All The Law Of Physics which He

Made...

************************************************** **************



WHICH IS THE MOST DANGEROUS ALPHABET OF ALL?



" W "!!



B'COZ ALL WORIES START WITH "W"



WHO?

WHY?

WHAT?

WHEN?

WHICH?

WHOM?

WHERE?

WAR!

AND FINALLY



WIFE....!



************************************************** **************

Moral of the movie ROBOT-

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A girl can not only spoil a man but even machines-!:-o



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newton's law:

lecturing is d phenomenon of transferin the info 4m d notes of lecturer to

the students notes without passing throu'd brain of either



************************************************** **************

Gals Language:

Stupid(U r Smart)

Idiot(U r Cute)

Shut up(I Luv u)

I'll kill u(I'll die 4 u)

GN(All slept u can cal me nw)

Fwd 2 gals to laugh & boys 2 undrstnd



************************************************** **************



When Alchohol is consumed,

Whatever is in the mind comes out...





So I suggest all students to drink before writing da exams.



************************************************** **************

You know a

Crazy fact of todays generation

:Once upon a time, GIRLS used to cook like their mothers.

But now they drink like their Fathers...!!!



************************************************** **************

what is swarg?

american salary,

british house,

chinese food,

indian wife,

what is narak?

american wife,

british food,

chinese house,

indian salary



************************************************** **************



A Sign At A Petrol pump ...





"Plz ... Don't Smoke Here ... Your Life May Be Worthless,

But

Petrol Certainly Isn't...!"



************************************************** **************

The real problem does not start when a boy starts looking at girl.

It begins when she turn back and gives a smile.



************************************************** **************



If u r with 1 girl its Anand...

If u r with 2 girls its Mahanand...

If u r with 3 girls its Parmanand but

If u r with many girls then u must b Swami Nityanand.



************************************************** **************



Earlier

Luv Startd wid Eyes

Grew wid Gifts

Ended wid Tears





Now: Luv Starts frm Cellphone

Grows wid Msgs

&

Ends wid "UpbhogtaKisi aur Call par Vyast hai.”



************************************************** **************

When u read a love message,

U never think of the person who sent u the sms..

But u think of the person whom u love the most!!

STRANGE..



sala kharcha kiska

or

Charcha kiska!



************************************************** **************



The Trouble With The World Is That, The Stupids Are Full Of Confidence And

The Intelligents Are Full Of Doubts



************************************************** *****************

A student grabbed a coin,



Flipped it in the air & said,

“Head, I go to sleep.”



Tail, I watch a movie.



If it stands on the edge I’ll study.

balayya's kotha cheddi-- sms joke

balayya kotha red cheddi konnadu , anadham thattukoleka oorantha lungi yethi mari chupinchadu ,intki vachi chusthe


cheddi intlone undhiii....!

follow more balayya jokes Balayya Jokes

balakrishna studies....

Galileo used lamp 2 study

Graham Bell used candle 2 study

Do you know what Balayya used to complete his studies.....


It is 'Ambica Agarbatti'.....

love more balayya jokess... click here balakrishna jokes

Mahindra satyam testing walkin

java recuritment in mahindra satyam- walkin

referal id : 53997

Techmahindra freshers ..bsc,bca

OFFCAMPUS 2009 & 2010

Dear All,



We are initiating Off Campus recruitment of B.Sc. (CS, IT, Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics, Statistics, Electronic, Electrical) / BCA / BCS graduates of 2009 and 2010.



We look forward to your support in recommending suitable candidates as per details given here under.



Eligibility Criterion

Candidates should have graduated in the year 2009 and 2010 with a consistent academic performance of Minimum 60 % & above at X, XII & Graduation (relax able to 55% & above at any one of the levels).



Only 1 year gap is allowed in between courses.



Graduation should be completed within the stipulated time allocated by respective University. Any gap during the course will not be considered.



Courses

1. BSC

Computer Science

Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics

Statistics

Information Technology

Electronics

Electrical



2. BCA



3. BCS



Compensation

Selected Candidates will be offered salary of Rs.1.44L pa. They will be put through initial training of 3 months and will be confirmed only after successful completion of the training. They will be required to sign a bond of Rs.1 Lakh for 2 years on joining.



Please note that we will not be considering any other discipline or pass outs from any other batch apart from the ones mentioned above.



Selection Process



· CVs are to be forwarded to bscfresher@techmahindra.com or bscfreshers@techmahindra.com

· Please send the CV’s with the spread sheet format attached. Incomplete entries & resumes sent directly to recruitment team or any one else will not be considered.

· Last date for receiving the resume is COB (6pm IST) –31st Dec 2010. CV’s will be shortlisted based on the criterion & intimation will be forwarded to candidates directly at least 1 week in advance, to appear for Aptitude tests / Interviews

· Candidates will be called to join from a merit list which will be prepared based on Academic, Aptitude Test & Interview performance of candidates. Communication to this effect will be sent to candidates by e-mail directly.

· Those offered will be required to join within 1 – 2 weeks of selection at Pune and Noida for training & subsequent posting. Not joining on given date and location will be considered as rejection.

· No queries with members of the Recruitment team regarding any of the referred case(s) during the selection process will be entertained.

· Candidates need to carry following documents (original + photocopy) at the time of test / interview.

· There will be not reward against this referral.



Mandatory Documents required to be carried by candidate for test / interview

A. Hard copy of Resume

B. Originals & Photocopies of Mark sheets and Certificates of 10th and 12th Std.

C. Photocopies of Mark Sheets (all semesters) and Degree certificate(s) of Graduation applicable

D. Photocopy of Passport or acknowledgement copy of Passport application

E. 3 Photographs


excel sheet in below format

1 Name of Candidate Email-ID Contact No. Preferred Interview Location 10th % 12th % Graduation Grad Stream Grad % Grad University/ college Name


2

3 Values have to be entered exactly below the headings in the 2nd Row ONLY

4 Name should be Candidate's Name

5 Email ID is Candidate's Email ID

6 Phone No of the Candidate to be referred

7 Preferred Location has to be selected from the list

8 Graduation will be the name of the degree;

9 Percentage for the same also has to be entered in Grad %

10 DO NOT MAKE ANY CHANGES TO FORMAT OF XL, ELSE SYSTEM WILL REJECT APPLICATION

balayaa ...rocks

1) After Tollywood T20match.






jr.Ntr: Enduku babai umpire ni kottavu...?


Balaya: Nenu bowling chestunnapudu vadu nannu "OVER AINDI" ani Thittadura anduke kottanu ra .....!










2) jr.Ntr: Babai Naku recharge chepinchu naa mobile lo Balance ledu.


Balayya: Enduku ra na dantlo full Balance undi nee Bluetooth on chesuko nenu Pampisthanu..










3) jr.Ntr:Babai eddo kotha college kaduthunavanta...?


College name enti Babay..?


Bal Krishna: " BALAYYA MEDICAL COLLEGE OF ENGIEERING"










4) jr.Ntr: Enti babay chair kothaga undi eppdu konnavu...?


Balaya: Ninna Audio function ki vellmu " TAKE YOUR SEAT" annaru ra...










5) Nurse: Congrats sir me intlo mahalakshmilanti kuthuru putindi ...


Balaya: Are yem technology, wife hospital lo unite Kuthuru intlo ela putindi..........????










6) jr.Ntr: IIT ki Opposite word enti babay...?


Balaya:U U coffee ra.......










7) jr Ntr: Babai nuvu evari kanna i Love you ani cheppava...?


Balaya: cheppanu Kani i 2 love you antundi ra aa rendo vadevado ardham kavatam ledu...










8) jr Ntr: Babai water nundi current enduku teetharu...?


Balaya: Aala tiyakapothe manamu snanam chesetapudu shock kodatadi kadara...






9)Balaya: Arey nee mobile lo time 11pm ani pettuko ra..


Ntr: Enduku Babai...?


Balaya: Naku night balance undi ra phone chestanu..






10) Balaya & Ntr walking on d road.They saw 1000rs note on d road.


Ntr: babai manam fifty fifty teesukundam..?


Balaya: mari migilina 900 em cheddam ra..


Last but not the least......






Ultimate one J






Sir: Nuvvu emi avvalanukuntunnavu ra??


Student : Nenu MBBS chadivi, Police ayyi,


manchi soft ware company lo, lawer ga work chesi pedda pedda building lu kattukuntu collector ga job cheddamanukuntunnna sir


Sir: Rey nijam cheppu nuvvu nuvvu nuvvu BALAKRISHNA Kodukivi kada leaka fan kada...?


:-) :-) :-) :-) :-)


I wish the smile to be continued for ever on ur face.

mahindra satyam recruitment for java,sql,oracle

Referal Id: 53997

NTR as Software developer ..dana Veera sura karna

SIDE EFFECTS of working in the IT sector !!!

☼ ☼ SIDE EFFECTS of working in the IT sector !!! ☼ ☼




These are real life anecdotes shared by IT workers.



_____________________________________________________________



Vivek



I once left home to go to the market wearing my Infosys ID card and did not realize till my friend asked me why I was wearing it !!!!



_____________________________________________________________



Bhavani



Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the house door with keys.



__________________________________________________________



Ashok



Few days back I slept at 12:00 in the night and woke up in the morning at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 8 hours and laughed at myself when I realized that I am at home.



__________________________________________________________



Jyotsna



Just after our training completion in Mysore and posting to Pune, me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants. .



And as I finished.. I started walking towards the wash basin with Plates in my hand..



___________________________________________________________



Abhijeet



Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around.



I went on to ask, "Why is she not attending the status call?"



_________________________________________________________



Anup



I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc..



at my personal internet connection at home...



thinking it will be blocked any way.



Till I realize - I am at home.



____________________________________________________________



Rohit



Yeah sometimes it do happens with me also.



keeping hands in front of tap for waiting water to drop by itself is very frequent with me.



I just forget that we have to turn on and off the tap....



____________________________________________________________



Nidhi



Once after talking to one of my friends



I ended the conversation saying,



" Ok bye...in case of any issues will call u back"



___________________________________________________________



Nisha



Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe it’s in the recycle bin



_______________________________________________________________



Nisha



I gave my office mail id and password to access Gmail and wondered when they became invalid???



__________________________________________________________



Sandeep



Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....



pharmacist asked whether I want 250mg or 500mg.....



I replied 256mg....thank god he didn't notice.



____________________________________________________________



Ashwin



Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV.



_____________________________________________________________



Vidyarthi



And I - after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder, decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the theatre screen!

cwg jokes

Delhi badnaam hui CWG tere liye! Sadkein bhi jam hui, CWG tere liye




1) BREAKING NEWS: Suresh Kamadi just tried to hang himself in the CWG stadium. But the ceiling collapsed



2) The truth behind bulk sms banning is to stop kalmadi jokes and not Ayodhya



3) Look at the brighter side; the more countries pull out, the higher India is ranked in the final medal’s tally.



4) Terrorists set to skip CWG 2010 citing unlivable conditions and fear for their safety.



5) Q: How many contractors are required to change a light bulb in Delhi CWG stadium?

A: 1 Million. (1 to change bulb and rest 999,999 to hold the ceiling)



6) Whats common between CWG committee and students???

Ans: both start their preparations at the 11th hour.....



7) Prince Charles is actively convincing the Queen to visit dengue hit Delhi, this may be his last chance to become the king!



8) Thanks to Guernsey and Jersey for threatening to pull out of games! We now know these countries existed!



9) Ek waqt aisa aayega, kalmadi bhi sharmayega



10) A collapse a day keeps the athletes away



11) Ba ba Kalmadi, have you any shame. No sir, No sir, we are having a Common Loot Game. Crores for my partner, crores for the dame, crores for me too, for spoiling India's name!



12) AMAZING BUT TRUE: If you re-arrange the letters "Sir U made lakhs" you get "SURESH KALMADI



13) next edition of CWG will be called KWG, Kalmadi Wealth Games



14) Photo for the last one..!

Common wealth games ..delhi

balayya jokes ..

Balakrishna went to cloth market







Balaya: Manchi cloth chupinchandi..






Salesman: plain lo chupincha mantara….






Balaya: Nee yabba plane lo kadu ra ikkade chupinchu…


=================================================================



Ntr: Babay which is the biggest animal, Ant or Elephant…?






Balaya: First tell the date of birth of those animals. Then I will tell


the answer…..


==================================================================



Interviewer : Congrats you r selected. U r 1 ^st year salary is Rs19000


and next year it will be 26000.






Balaya: Thank you sir. I will join next year…..


===================================================================



Aghora tells to Balaya abt Magadheera….






Aghora: Vadu MANDAY agni golam la kanipistadu…






Balaya: Avuna Mari vadu TUESDAY kanapdite ela gurthu pattali ghora….?






Aghora: Nuvvu maaravra Baaliga


=====================================================================



After eating fish Balaya did not drink water why…?






Because






He feared that fish will start swimming in his stomach….


=======================================================================



Interviewer: Me birth place ekkda…?






Balaya: Tiruvananthapuram….






Interviewer: Tell me the spelling…?






Balaya: Indaka joke chesa, nenu GOA lo puttanu…


======================================================================



Ntr: Babay ratri mobile charging petti padukoku..






Balaya : Endukura …?






Ntr : Battery blast avutundanta…






Balaya : Telusura bacha anduke nenu Battry teesi charging Pettanu…


======================================================================



One day Balaya and Akber went 2 masjid..






Akber : Allah hoo Akber…






Balaya : Allah hoo Balaya


======================================================================



Ntr: Adenti Babai Tablet sides cut chesi vesukuntunnavu…?






Balaya: Side effects rakunda untayani..


=======================================================================



Ntr : Rakhi Bagundi evaru kattaru babai…?






Balaya: na Lovertho nene kattiinchukunna….


=========================================================================



Balaya waiting at bus stop, one girl came in scooty & asked do you want


Lift…?






Balaya: NO thanks my house in ground floor..


=======================================================================



Balaya: Express train eppudu vastundi..?






T.c: 9ki






Balaya: Local train eppudu vastundi…?






Tc.: 1ki






Balaya: Goods eppudu vastundi…?






T.c: Nuv ekkadaki povali…?






Balaya: Track dati avatalaki povali…

Mahindra satyam walkin for Bsc,Bca

Limitation ... is what we set

Here's a story about George Dantzig - the famed mathematician, whose contributions to Operations Research and systems engineering have made him immortal.








As a college student, George studied very hard often late into the night. So late, that he overslept one morning, arriving 20 minutes late for Prof. Neyman's class.



He quickly copied the two math's problems on the board, assuming they were the homework assignment. It took him several hours to work through the two problems, but finally he had a breakthrough and dropped the homework on Prof. Neyman's desk the next day.



Six weeks later, on a Sunday morning, his excited professor awakened George at 6 a.m.



Since George was late for class, he hadn't heard the professor announce that the two unsolvable equations on the board were mathematical mind-teasers that even Einstein hadn't been able to answer!



But George Dantzig, working without any thoughts of limitation, had solved not one, but two problems that had stumped mathematicians for thousands of years.



He simply said, "George solved the problems because he didn't know he couldn't ."

balayya sms jokes -3

Director : U have 2 jump in 2 swimming pool 4m 100th floor
Balayya : i dont know swimming
Director : Dont worry there is not water in it
Balayya : Aithe ...keka puttishaaa

balayya sms joke 2

Jnr Ntr :  Water nunchi current enduku testharu ?

Balayya babai : cheta na kodaka ala tiyakapothe snanam chesetaudu shock kodtadi kadarra

Jnr Ntr : Nuvu keka babai

enjoy more balayya jokes @

Balayya Jokes

onsite requirements for mahindra satyam

UK








· SAP - ABAP, FICO, PP, QM, MM, APO, WM , XI (6 yrs – 10 yrs)



· Program/Project Managers ( SAP) (8 yrs – 14 yrs)







For UK opportunities, mail the suitable profiles mentioning the “Skills/yrs of experience”



in the subject line to Santosh_Basarkar@mahindrasatyam.com







US







· Sapiens Emerge on Mainframes, VSAM, Cobol (exp. - 5 yrs)



· Clarity, Clarity PPM, Primavera, PMP (exp. - 5 yrs)



· SQL, COBOL, IBM iSeries/AS400 (exp. – 3yrs to 7 yrs)



· CGI Perl Development, Shell Scripting, UNIX, DHTML, XM (exp. - 5 yrs)



· UNIX shell(s) scripting,Perl, XML (exp. - 5 yrs)



· C#, Agile(Scrum), WPF, WCS,LINQ (exp. - 5 yrs)



· Cognos Developer, Data Manager (exp. - 5 yrs)



· Fatwire, J2EE (exp. - 5 yrs)



· Documentum, Livelink (exp. - 5 yrs)



· MES, Industrial Automation, MES-ERP Integrations (exp. - 5 yrs)



· Lombardi (exp. - 5 yrs)



· Webmethods Developer (exp. - 5 yrs)



· Websphere Server (exp. - 5 yrs)



· Sharepoint Admin (exp. - 5 yrs)



· Documentum, Livelink (exp. - 5 yrs)







For US opportunities, please do mail the relevant suitable profiles mentioning the “Skills/Yrs of experience” in the subject line to Rajasekhar_Goud@mahindrasatyam.com.

Referal mail id : krishna_sumanth@satyam.com

mahindra satyam walkins - hyderabad,pune,chennai- Aug 7th

Announcing Walk-in for rewarding careers…invite your buddies/pals!








Chennai

Hyderabad

Bangalore



Date: August 7th, 2010

Time: 10AM - 3PM



Mahindra Satyam

Chennai TEK Tower

No.11, Rajiv Gandhi Salai,

Thoraipakkam

Chennai - 600 097

Date: August 7th, 2010

Time: 10AM - 3PM



Mahindra Satyam Gateway,

My Home Hub Block A ,8th Floor,

Madhapur Village,

Hyderabad 500 081

Date: August 8th , 2010

Time: 10AM - 3PM



Mahindra Satyam

Plot No: 45(P)/46(P),

KIADB Industrial Area, Phase – 2

Electronic City, Bangalore – 560100









Requirements for:



Consulting & Enterprise Solutions – Job Code: CES

Exp.: 3-8 years



Business Performance Excellence Advisory (BPR, Six sigma, TOC)- Manufacturing, Telecom, Banking, Oil & Gas, Utilities

Content & Portal Management-Filenet, Documentum, Vignette, Fatwire, Sharepoint, Biztalk - Developers & Architects

LifeRay/JBOSS Portal server developers & architects, ATG/ Websphere eCommerce Developers & Architects

BPM -Websphere, Pega, Webmethods, Tibco,Lombardi, Business Analysts

PLM-eMatrix, Team Center, Windchill, Agile, QAD/Progress DBA

SRM - Ariba

Infrastructure Services – Job Code: IS

Exp.: 3 – 8 years



Unix, Linux, HP-UX, Solaris, IBM AIX, IBM Mainframe, Win 2k3, 2k8, VM Administrators

Identity Access Management, ITSM, Enterprise System Management

Network (LAN/WAN) Administrators with experience in CA/Tivoli/BMC/Unicenter/HP Open view/CISCO Works

Experience in Implementation of CA Tools like CA Spectrum r9.0 and above , CA Ehealth r 6.1 and above , CA NSM r11 and above, CA Autosys, CA 7 etc

Application Packaging - Expertise in Wise Package Studio , VB Scripting and App-V. With good troubleshooting skills, writing custom actions in VB and Wise. Sound knowledge on Operating systems like Windows XP, Vista and Windows 7

Messaging Administrators and specialists in Lotus, MS Exchange, Domino, TCP/IP, DNS, SMTP

DBAs-DB2, Oracle, SQL, Sybase, Teradata

Enterprise Applications – Job code – EA

Exp. : 3 – 12years



OPM Costing/Financials (Oracle Process Manufacturing); Exp Level: 5+ Yrs

Oracle Content Management (UCM); Exp Level: 4-7 Yrs

PeopleSoft HCM Technical/Functional/Techno functional; Exp Level: 4- 8 Yrs

Siebel Lead/Architect/ PM/Solution Architect; Exp Level: 8- 12 Yrs

OTM Technical/Functional/Techno functional/ Project Manager; Exp Level: 5-9 Yrs

Oracle UCM; Exp Level: 4- 6 Yrs

Oracle BRM; Exp Level: 4- 6 Yrs

Business Intelligence – Job Code: BI

Exp.: 3 – 10 years



DW - Data modeler / Sybase IQ / OBIEE / Informatica / Business Objects / Abinitio

DW MS BI - SSAS,SSIS,SSRS,.Net

DW-Teradata - ETL/FSLDM/TCRM/Unix/ MLDM/LDM

BI Architect- MDM, Data Quality / E2E BI DW Architecting Exp: 10+ yrs

DW Cognos - 8 BI

DW Datastage –Parallel Extender

DW Hyperion- Essbase planning, Ver

Microstrategy- Version 8.x

DW SAS - Base SAS, EG, Campaign Management, Analytics, E Miner

Application Development Maintenance Support – Job Code: ADMS

Exp.: 3 – 8 years



Java/J2EE, JBOSS, Struts, Ajax, EJB, JSP,Hibernate, Spring,Webservices

Mainframe (CICS/DB2/Cobol/PL1/PL1 with Telon), Natural Adabas

Websphere, Weblogic, IBM MQ series- designers, architects & developers

Please do inform the candidates to walk-in at the mentioned venues / on specified date between 10 AM – 3PM



with the following documents:



Two hard copies of their resume

Photo ID card

One passport-size photograph

NOTE: Only Candidates with more than 3 years of relevant experience may walk-in / apply


You can take reference as krishna_sumanth@satyam.com

krishna lila park ..bangalore

Five thousand years ago ,Gokul was the home to Krishna's magical childhood where he performed innumerable loving pastimes. When Indra threatened

the Vrajavasis with torrential rains, blasts of thunder and lightening, and the consequent over flooding of Yamuna - all to inundate the village,

And if you were present there how would you experience all this????? And the relief the village residents felt when Krishna lifted the Govardhan

Hill and protected them!



The proposed Krishna Lila Park will give such an experience to the visitors. The main complex building will be about 360 feet tall, with a viewing gallery

at 500 ft level. This hi-tech amusement park to be constructed in Bangalore on 28 acre will be the 1st theme park in India with the quality of world

class theme parks like Disney World and Universal Studios. Already Rs 4-5 crore has been spent on the design. The project will cost Rs 350 crore. Work

on theme park to take off tomorrow, Sunday Jun 20th, 2010.



Today, our children’s minds are obsessed with Superman, Spiderman and such other characters and legends coming from the West. Lets introduce

the great characters of our Indian epics and instill in the minds of our children the deep values they represent.

at a glance..: