Wednesday, May 14, 2008

* How girls use guys * with examples :)

Girls' relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves. It's not just about boyfriends, we're talking about guy friends that gals have.

Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are you confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams come closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn't fit to wear Jeetendra's white shoes? Here's a ready reckoner for you:



* % just a friend % *
Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, "Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??"

Rahul: "Where are you going Sanjana??"
Sanjana: "None of your business" and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph!).



* % Good Friend % *
You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that but I try using you when I really need you.

Rahul calls: "Hi Sanjana",
Sanjana: "Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye"

(Sanjana eventually calls back after two days)
Sanjana: "What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day?".
Rahul: "Generally".

Sanjana: "Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye."
Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.



* % Very good friend % *
Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl, she will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone. Basically, she wants to talk to you and you are special to her.

Sanjana: "You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn't sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn't like me anymore and yesterday I saw him with another girl".
Rahul: "Who is Shekhar??"

Sanjana : "My boyfriend."
Rahul: Oh! ok. :-(



* % Best Friend % *
You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can't live without you and don't be mistaken, You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun.

Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee Rahul, you pay. I am having fun.

Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.
Sanjana: "But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friends

Rahul. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that."
Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).



* % Best of the Bestest Friends % *
Ok now you are really special, You are dad-cum-boyfriend- cum-brother- cum-everything, Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl.

You take her around.
You make her project.
You do her assignments.
You are allowed to take her doggie around.
You can hold hands on the beach.
You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along).
But but but... don't be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 5 times the salary you earn and has a posh flat in an up class area.

Sanjana: "Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar. Shekhar this is Rahul, he is my bestest friend".

Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul's wrist).
Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.



* % Boyfriend %*
Uh... No comments dude. You're already Gone!

For all Rahul type guys? Make sure that you tell Sanjana about Mamta and about Maya? and about Tina also?

This will open Sanjana's eyes!!!!



Send it to boys to improve their Knowledge bank :)

Send it to girls who want to live in reality :)

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

interesting facts -3

The time spent deleting SPAM costs United States businesses $21.6 billion
annually.

60.7 percent of eligible voters participated in the 2004 presidential election,
the highest percentage in 36 years. However, more than 78 million did not vote.
This means President Bush won re-election by receiving votes from less than 31%
of all eligible voters in the United States.

John Quincy Adams, sixth president of the United States, loved to skinny dip in
the Potomac River.

La Paz, Bolivia has an average annual temperature below 50 degrees Fahrenheit.
However, it has never recorded a zero-degree temperature. Same for Stanley,
Falkland Islands and Punta Arenas, Chile.

41% of Chinese people eat at least once a week at a fast food restaurant. 35% of
Americans do.

A Wisconsin forklift operator for a Miller beer distributor was fired when a
picture was published in a newspaper showing him drinking a Bud Light.

G-rated family films earn more money than any other rating. Yet only 3% of
Hollywood's output is G-rated.

Richard Hatch, winner of the first "Survivor" reality series, has been charged
with tax evasion for failing to report his $1,000,000 prize.

The entire fleet of Unicoi County Tennessee's salt trucks was rendered out of
commission in one accident. All three trucks were badly damaged when one of them
began skidding down a road, causing a chain reaction accident. Officials blamed
road conditions.

More people study English in China than speak it in the United States of America
(300 million).

Fast food provider Hardee's has recently introduced the Monster Thickburger. It
has 1,420 calories and 107 grams of fat.

More than 2,500 left-handed people are killed each year from using products that
are made for right-handed people.

For every person on earth, there are an estimated 200 million insects.

There are 2,000,000 millionaires in the United States.

1.5 million Americans are charged with drunk driving each year.

A Georgia company will mix your loved one's ashes with cement and drop it into
the ocean to form an artificial reef.

The Washington Times newspaper is owned by the Rev. Sun Myung Moon.

The busiest shopping hour of the holiday season is between 3:00 pm and 4:00 pm
on Christmas Eve.

In 2002, women earned 742,000 bachelor's degrees. Men earned only 550,000 during
the same year. The difference is growing so large that many colleges now
practice (quietly) affirmative action for male applicants.

Most of the deck chairs on the Queen Mary 2 have had to be replaced because
overweight Americans were breaking them.

Actor Bill Murray doesn't have a publicist or an agent.

The day after President George W. Bush was reelected, Canada's main immigration
website had 115,000 visitors. Before Bush's re-election, this site averaged
about 20,000 visitors each day.

Only 30% of stolen artwork worth more than $1,000,000 each is recovered.

The typical American child receives 70 new toys a year, most of them during the
holiday season.

90% of Canada's 31,000,000 citizens live within 100 miles of the U.S. border.

Monday, May 12, 2008

What is the difference between Saali & Wife

Saali is Beauty, Wife is Duty

Saali is Pension, Wife is Tension

Saali is Yummy, Wife is Vehmi

Saali is Pataka, Wife is BATAKA

Saali is Cool, Wife is Fool

Saali is Tooti - Fruity, Wife is Kismat Futi

Saali is Fresh cake , Wife is earth QUAKE

Sexy mathematician

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Smart wife

This husband who is out of town for a couple of months writes to his wife.

Dear Sweetheart,

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my
sweetheart

Your husband

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses
instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other
items........
5.. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I
can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!

Your Sweet Heart

Newtons law of love

Universal law:
"Love can
neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from one
girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money ".


First law:
"a
boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girlin
love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unlessany
external agent (brother or father of the gal) comes into play andbreak
the legs of the boy."


Second law:
"the
rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy isdirectly
proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy andthe
direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of thebank
balance."


Third law:
"the
force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to
the force applied by the girl while using her sandals".

Jimmedari

Teacher: Jimmedari kya hoti hai ?
Student: Madam agar apke blouse k 4 batton me se 3 tut jaye to 4th pe jo aati hai, usko jimmedari kehte hai.

Time for sex

Lady: What is a good time for Sex?
Doctor: In the afternon between 2 to 4.
Lady: Why ?
Dr: The compounder will not be here...

Bachaa kis ka hai

Scene: Husband and Wife in court getting a divorce.

The problem was who should get custody of the child????


Wife jumped up and said: "Your Honor! I brought the child into this world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody."

The judge turns to Husband and says "What do you have to say in your defense?"

The husband sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose.

"Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out. Whose Pepsi is it? the machine's or mine?"

Yeh sunke...Wife replied : "Judge sahab...bartan mera...dudh bhi mera...aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 bunde daalne se dahi bana tu fir wo dahi kiska..? mera ya do bund dalane vale ka"

Husband replied : "Typewriter mein kagaz mainedala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maineki, fir chitthi kiski? typewriter ki ya meri?"

Frustrated Judge: "Agar tu chithi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati."

Woman with not habbits

A
woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a
particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for
a couple of dollars for dinner.The woman took out her wallet, extracted
ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some
wine with it instead of dinner?""No," I had to stop drinking years ago,
the homeless woman replied. "Will you use it to go shopping instead of
buying food?" the woman asked."No," I don't waste time shopping, the
homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay
alive." "Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the
woman asked."Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had
my hair done in 20 years!" "Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to
give you the money. Instead, I'm going t o take you out for dinner with
my husband and myself tonight.The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't
your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and
I probably smell pretty disgusting."The woman replied, "That's okay.
It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has
given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."

Office upgradation

Friday, May 9, 2008

Tit for tat

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone.


After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her,

"Er... Excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"


She responds in a loud voice :

" NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"


Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them.


The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.


After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes,

and says, "You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and

I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."


The young man responds loudly with,

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN FIVE THOUSAND RUPEES. THATS TOO MUCH !"

Unlock the deadlock

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad,
So make arrangement.

Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and
I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going
abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving
private tution: I have work for a week, so you need
not come for class.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a
week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets
spend the week together.

Grandpa make call to his secretary: This week I am
spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend
that meeting.

Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss
has some work, we cancelled our trip.

Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend
this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving
private tution: This week we will have class as usual.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my
teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I
can't give you company.

Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this
week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement
.

Difference between European Couple and Eastern Couple

Amazing one....!!!!!!!!!

Diff between European & Middle Eastern couple...

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Real diff between European & Middle Eastern couple...

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.


Thursday, May 8, 2008

Man with no habits

A beggar came along and asked him for some money. Thev man ignored him. But
being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated
when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with
some money.

Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you
tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would
have bought a cup of tea", replied the
beggar.

The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then
took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.

The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."

The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar,
"Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".

The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".

The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race
course.Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets.
If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".

As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I
can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."

Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with
him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least
something from the man. But he still had his
doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with
you".

The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad
habits looks like."

Smart guy

Magic how is it done



Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Calories burnt in sex

CALORIES BURNED DURING SEX!





REMOVING HER CLOTHES:



With her consent 12 Calories


Without her consent 2,187 Calories







OPENING HER BRA:



With both hands 8 Calories


With one hand 12 Calories


With your teeth 485 Calories







PUTTING ON A CONDOM:



With an erection 6 Calories


Without an erection 3,315 Calories







POSITIONS:



Missionary 12 Calories


69 lying down 78 Calories



69 standing up 812 Calories


Wheelbarrow 216 Calories


Doggy Style 326 Calories


Italian chandelier 2,912 Calories







ORGASMS:



Real 112 Calories


Fake 1,315 Calories







POST ORGASM:



Lying in bed hugging 18 Calories


Getting up immediately 36 Calories


Explaining why you got out of bed immediately 816
Calories








GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:



If you are:




20-29 years 36 Calories


30-39 years 80 Calories


40-49 years 124 Calories


50-59 years 1,972 Calories


60-69 years 7,916 Calories


70 and over Results are still pending







DRESSING AFTERWARDS:



Calmly.. 32 Calories


In a hurry 98 Calories


With her father knocking at the door 5,218 Calories


With your wife knocking at the door 13,521 Calories






Results may vary!

Kurvi stills ..for vijay fans





Saturday, May 3, 2008

Japan Prime minister and US president

This is a true story from the Japanese Embassy in US!!!

A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Bill Clinton...

The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how r u'.
Then Mr. Clinton should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you.'

It looks quite simple, but the truth is...

When Mori met Clinton , he mistakenly said
'Who r u?' (instead of 'How r u?'. )

Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor:
'Well, I'm Hillary's husband, ha-ha...'

Then Mori replied
'me too, ha-ha.. .'.

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room

Thursday, May 1, 2008

IPL Deccan Chargers lead by Poor captaincy

Watching Deccan chargers in IPL is waste.They are losing matches after having good potential players also.Decisions take by VVS Laxman are really poor.After having great experince as a captain in ranji matches Laxman is not able to make any effect in the ground as a captain.

In the match with Rajasthan Royals we lost in the last over of the match.His descision to give bowling to Symonds is the worst decision any body can take in such a pressure situation.Warne who is the captain for Rajasthan Royals made their team to win by hitting every ball to boundary of Symonds.Laxman should have given a thought of not taking wickets but winning the match by making opposite team to waste balls.

In the match with Kings XI punjab also the decisions take are really worst.They took a player called Ojha but he never bowled or batted after having good record better than many.The decision of giving bowling to KalayanKrishna was worst which gave the momentum towards the KingsXI.In this over they hit 2 sixes,2 fours which gave confidence to a new batsmen.Selecting Venugopal was the worst decision as he did not bat and bowl well in this match.Laxman should try and give chances to other new members in team rather than taking venu gopal .
I am feeling if Deccan Chargers continue like this in IPL soon we will be in the bottom of the list.
If Very Very Special Laxman doesnot take proper steps in selecting team composition ,they will lose match.I want laxman not be named as Very Very Stupid Laxman.

Vysyas and Drugs..anesthesia

Naturally occurring mutation Leu307Pro of human butyrylcholinesterase in the Vysya community of India.

ORIGINAL ARTICLES

Pharmacogenetics & Genomics. 16(7):461-468, July 2006.
Manoharan, Indumathi a; Wieseler, Stacy b; Layer, Paul G. c; Lockridge, Oksana b; Boopathy, Rathnam a

Abstract:
Background: People with genetic variants of butyrylcholinesterase (EC 3.1.1.8, BChE) can have hours of prolonged apnea after a normal dose of succinylcholine or mivacurium.

Methods: Plasma samples from 226 people in the Vysya community in Coimbatore, India were tested for BChE activity.

Results: Nine unrelated individuals had no detectable activity. DNA sequencing revealed a novel mutation in exon 2 of the BCHE gene, responsible for the silent phenotype of human serum BChE. All silent BChE samples were homozygous for a point mutation at codon 307 (CTT->CCT), resulting in substitution of leucine 307 by proline. Western blot analysis with a monoclonal antibody showed no BChE protein in plasma. Silent BChE plasma samples had no organophosphate-reactive BChE, as measured with FP-biotin. Expression of recombinant Leu307Pro BChE in cell culture confirmed that this mutant is expressed at very low levels. The proline substitution most likely destabilizes the BChE structure and causes the protein to be misfolded and rapidly degraded.

Conclusions: This is the first report of a molecularly defined BChE mutation in the Indian population. The frequency of homozygous silent BChE in the Vysya community is 1 in 24, a value 4000-fold higher than the frequency of homozygous silent BChE in European and American populations.

(C) 2006 Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, Inc.



courtesy of

http://www.jpharmacogenetics.com/

Night rate

Chemistry ki class main Teacher nay aik ladki say poocha,
'' What is Niterate?''
Ladki sharma kar
''Sir Night Rate 1500 aur Hotel charges alag say........