An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:
' If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my galfriend has
fallen
off'
Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present..
Its just that,
One loves too much,
and
The other loves too many
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Saints and IT professionals
Long back,
a person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
forgot laughter were called
'Saints'
But now they are called.
'IT/ ITES professionals'
a person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
forgot laughter were called
'Saints'
But now they are called.
'IT/ ITES professionals'
Let Boss Speak --- By mala
A Junior Software engineer, a Senior Software engineer and their Project
Manager are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they
come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The
ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,
I will allow one wish each". So the eager Junior Software engineer
shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast
boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff" and he was gone. Now the Senior
Software engineer could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be in
Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff"
and he was also gone.
The Project Manager calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the
office after lunch at 1.30pm"
Moral of the story is:
"Always allow the boss to speak first"
Manager are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they
come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The
ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,
I will allow one wish each". So the eager Junior Software engineer
shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast
boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff" and he was gone. Now the Senior
Software engineer could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be in
Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff"
and he was also gone.
The Project Manager calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the
office after lunch at 1.30pm"
Moral of the story is:
"Always allow the boss to speak first"
Clever Girls
A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.
She says: "You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you"
The boyfriend says: "Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?"
"Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
She says: "You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you"
The boyfriend says: "Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?"
"Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
Surgery
Bob can't get an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his Penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery.
Bob asks what the surgery is and the doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best.
Bob says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier, so he says ok.
The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later he gives Bob the go ahead to "try out his new equipment".
Bob takes his wife out to dinner. While at dinner Bob starts Feeling incredible pressure in his pants. It gets unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants.
No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, Rolls across the table, grabs an apple from the fruit basket, And disappears back into his pants. His wife sits in shock for a Few moments, and then gets a sly look on her face.
She says, "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful look on his face, Bob says, "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another apple up my ass."
Best SMS of the year
BEST SMS OF THE YEAR:
How amazing!! - A mother makes her son "INTELLIGENT" in 20 years, but a girl makes him "STUPID" in 2 mins.
Second Best:
Arguing with boss is like wrestling with a pig in the mud. After some time, u realize that u r getting dirty, but the pig is actually enjoying.
Third Best SMS:
Boys go to college to develop the mind; girls go to college to catch them before this happens
How amazing!! - A mother makes her son "INTELLIGENT" in 20 years, but a girl makes him "STUPID" in 2 mins.
Second Best:
Arguing with boss is like wrestling with a pig in the mud. After some time, u realize that u r getting dirty, but the pig is actually enjoying.
Third Best SMS:
Boys go to college to develop the mind; girls go to college to catch them before this happens
Danger .. 20 Tigers togeather
A_Rare_Picture_of_20_Tigers_Together
You won't believe your eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Most dangerous and daring pics ever taken..................................
A must see clip....All tigers are resting on one table.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Mistakes
If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is a
New path
If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a
If parents makes a mistake,
It is a
If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a
If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a
If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a
If a teacher makes a mistake ,
It is a
If our boss makes a mistake,
It is a New idea
If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a
Mistake Only
It's a
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is a
New path
If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a
If parents makes a mistake,
It is a
If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a
If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a
If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a
If a teacher makes a mistake ,
It is a
If our boss makes a mistake,
It is a New idea
If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a
Mistake Only
Down The Toilet
A young couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an unfortunate incident occurred.
Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet for the morning's relief, and neglected to notice
that the seat was up. When she sat, she kept going!
She was just the right size and shape so that she became jammed into the toilet past her waist with her legs
sticking straight up in front of her. She cried for her husband, who rushed in, and for the next hour tried
desperately to extricate her.
In this process they removed her sleeping gown, but this only left her naked and still stuck, with a particular
part of her anatomy prominently visible between her splayed legs.
Finally, the couple resolved to call a plumber, despite the embarrassing nature of their problem.
When the plumber arrived, the young man let him in, but as they were walking to the bathroom, the young man
realized that his wife was exposed in a very compromising and humiliating way.
Thinking fast, he ran ahead of the plumber and placed the first thing he could think of, his shoes, over his wife's
exposed privates.
The plumber walked into the bathroom, took one long look, and commented, "Well, I think I can save your wife,
buddy, but her lover's a goner."
Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet for the morning's relief, and neglected to notice
that the seat was up. When she sat, she kept going!
She was just the right size and shape so that she became jammed into the toilet past her waist with her legs
sticking straight up in front of her. She cried for her husband, who rushed in, and for the next hour tried
desperately to extricate her.
In this process they removed her sleeping gown, but this only left her naked and still stuck, with a particular
part of her anatomy prominently visible between her splayed legs.
Finally, the couple resolved to call a plumber, despite the embarrassing nature of their problem.
When the plumber arrived, the young man let him in, but as they were walking to the bathroom, the young man
realized that his wife was exposed in a very compromising and humiliating way.
Thinking fast, he ran ahead of the plumber and placed the first thing he could think of, his shoes, over his wife's
exposed privates.
The plumber walked into the bathroom, took one long look, and commented, "Well, I think I can save your wife,
buddy, but her lover's a goner."
Santa Banta joke
SANTA: DUBAI me sub kuch FREE hai
TAXI
HOTEL
KHANA
PINA
YAHA TAK
SEX BHI
FREE HAI
BANTA : are yaar tu kub gaya tha
SANTA; mai nahin meri bibi jakar ayi hai
TAXI
HOTEL
KHANA
PINA
YAHA TAK
SEX BHI
FREE HAI
BANTA : are yaar tu kub gaya tha
SANTA; mai nahin meri bibi jakar ayi hai
Popup message
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together
in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into
a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we
discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine
months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
;
;
;
;
;
"You got a Male!"
The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together
in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into
a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we
discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine
months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
;
;
;
;
;
"You got a Male!"
Shamshabad airport update
Dear Associates ,
We wish to bring you an update on the operations of the New Hyderabad International Airport at Shamshabad
Access : An hour & 30 minutes travel time required from select points in the twin cities of Hyderabad & Secunderabad
as roads are congested during regular intervals between 0900- 2000 Hrs
Airport Shuttle-AEROEXPRESS: We would recommend that our Associates do use this Shuttle services from select city
points ,which is safe , reliable , convenient & cost effective . would also
recommend that Pooling of resources ( transportation ) be considered where ever possible , to make the airport transfers
enjoyable & further Cost effective
Radio Cabs : Associates can avail the services of GMR operated Radio Cabs ,which are safe & reliable mode of
Transportation For airport Transfers .
| Easy Cabs : +91 40 43434343 |
| Meeru : +91 40 44224422 |
Airport Parking : The Free parking facilities for Private vehicles presently Offered by GMR is being withdrawn with immediate
effect
Airport Utility shops : Still not fully functional and as such would caution Associates of inconvenience during delayed departures
and or Cancellation of flights
Public Announcements: It has been observed that unlike other Indian Airports , announcements regarding flight delays ,
Cancellations Etc..are restricted and even the visual information displays are either incorrect or do not happen .We would therefore
suggest that Our associates check information on departures & arrivals with the respective airline counters / ground staff once you
check in.
Arrivals : During the last one week there have been several instances of Domestic Arrivals / passengers coming through International
arrival lounge / area and even international arrival passengers coming out through International departure area on the upper Level due
to repairs & maintenance being carried out after the un-seasonal rains ..…Associates are requested to take guidance from The Airline
personnel who will be always available on Arrival side .Airlines have also reported delays in having the Aero bridges connectivity
Upon landing at Shamshabad Airport , causing delayed disembarkation.
Immigration : Associates arriving on international flights may experience long Qs at immigration since there are limited
Staff manning the counters at times.
We expect that the initial teething problems will be resolved at the earliest since there has been regular & extensive media coverage as
well on the Issues , which has made the concerned authorities to initiate corrective action .
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Resting The Balls
On a golf tour in Newfoundland, Canada, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion into a petrol station in a remote part of the countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. "Top of the morning to you, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick hello and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are those?" asks the attendant. "They're called tees,” replies Tiger. "Well, what on God's earth are they for?" inquires the attendant. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger. "Fookin Jeysus", says the Newfoundlander, "Lord thinks of everything!"
Love .by children
*What is Love???*
A group of 4 to 8 year-old Children were asked, "What does love mean?"
The answers they gave were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.
--"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday" (Tina - age 7)
--"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." (Clare - Age 5)
--"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." (Billy - age 4)
--"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." (Rebecca - age 8 )
--"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.." ( Chris sy - age 6 )
--"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." (Terri - age 4 )
--"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." (Danny - age 7)
--"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well." (Tommy - age 6 )
--"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. That's love" (Cindy -age 8)
--"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken." (Elaine - age 5)
--"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." (Mary Ann - age 4 )
A group of 4 to 8 year-old Children were asked, "What does love mean?"
The answers they gave were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.
--"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday" (Tina - age 7)
--"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." (Clare - Age 5)
--"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." (Billy - age 4)
--"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." (Rebecca - age 8 )
--"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.." ( Chris sy - age 6 )
--"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." (Terri - age 4 )
--"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." (Danny - age 7)
--"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well." (Tommy - age 6 )
--"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. That's love" (Cindy -age 8)
--"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken." (Elaine - age 5)
--"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." (Mary Ann - age 4 )
Priceless words
PRICELESS WORDS
A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed. He looks around the room and sees that
it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!"
Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and
sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM , drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye
when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks,
"So, why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off,
you said,
"LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"
Best 4 Chinese Jokes... Awesome!
Hi,
4 Best Chinese jokes!!
I particularly enjoyed the 3rd one, its brilliant!
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HA HA HA HA HA APRIL FOOOOOOOOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4 Best Chinese jokes!!
I particularly enjoyed the 3rd one, its brilliant!
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HA HA HA HA HA APRIL FOOOOOOOOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, March 31, 2008
Micro waved water - a MUST read ..by sarath
A 26-year old decided to have a cup of coffee. He took a cup of water
and put it in the microwave to heat it up (something that he had done
numerous times before). I am not sure how long he set the timer for, but
he told me he wanted to bring the water to a boil. When the timer shut
the oven off, he removed the cup from the oven. As he looked into the
cup, he noted that the water was not boiling, but instantly the water in
the cup "blew up" into his face. The cup remained intact until he threw
it out of his hand but all the water had flown out into his face due to
the build up of energy. His whole face is blistered and he has 1st and
2nd degree burns to his face, which may leave scarring. He also may have
lost partial sight in his left eye. While at the hospital, the doctor
who was attending to him stated that this is fairly common occurrence
and water (alone) should never be heated in a microwave oven. If water
is heated in this manner, something should be placed in the cup to
diffuse the energy such as: a wooden stir stick, tea bag, etc. It is
however a much safer choice to boil the water in a teakettle.
General Electric's (GE) response:
Thanks for contacting us. I will be happy to assist you. The e-mail that
you received is correct. Micro waved water and other liquids do not
always bubble when they reach the boiling point. They can actually get
superheated and not bubble at all. The superheated liquid will bubble up
out of the cup when it is moved or when something like a spoon or tea
bag is put into it. To prevent this from happening and causing injury,
do not heat any liquid for more than two minutes per cup. After heating,
let the cup stand in the microwave for thirty seconds before moving it
or adding anything into it.
If you pass this on ... you could very well save someone from a lot of
pain and suffering.
and put it in the microwave to heat it up (something that he had done
numerous times before). I am not sure how long he set the timer for, but
he told me he wanted to bring the water to a boil. When the timer shut
the oven off, he removed the cup from the oven. As he looked into the
cup, he noted that the water was not boiling, but instantly the water in
the cup "blew up" into his face. The cup remained intact until he threw
it out of his hand but all the water had flown out into his face due to
the build up of energy. His whole face is blistered and he has 1st and
2nd degree burns to his face, which may leave scarring. He also may have
lost partial sight in his left eye. While at the hospital, the doctor
who was attending to him stated that this is fairly common occurrence
and water (alone) should never be heated in a microwave oven. If water
is heated in this manner, something should be placed in the cup to
diffuse the energy such as: a wooden stir stick, tea bag, etc. It is
however a much safer choice to boil the water in a teakettle.
General Electric's (GE) response:
Thanks for contacting us. I will be happy to assist you. The e-mail that
you received is correct. Micro waved water and other liquids do not
always bubble when they reach the boiling point. They can actually get
superheated and not bubble at all. The superheated liquid will bubble up
out of the cup when it is moved or when something like a spoon or tea
bag is put into it. To prevent this from happening and causing injury,
do not heat any liquid for more than two minutes per cup. After heating,
let the cup stand in the microwave for thirty seconds before moving it
or adding anything into it.
If you pass this on ... you could very well save someone from a lot of
pain and suffering.
HR and Salary Hike by hareesh
After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying;
Myfriend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that
I was stealing Company money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR=HIGH RISK
