Men:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one
Around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their
Luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their
Mistakes and still try their luck with others.
Women:
1. the most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive
Clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something To wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress
Beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still
Expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Confession
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly , sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet , not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says , "Dark in here."
The man says , "Yes , it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No , thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK , how much?"
Boy - "$150"
Man - "Sold."
In the next few weeks , it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes , it is."
Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The lover , remembering the last time , asks the boy , "How much?"
Boy - "$350"
Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."
A few days later , the father says to the boy , "Grab your gloves , let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says , "I can't , I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks , "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy says , "$500"
The father says , "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... That is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says , "Dark in here."
The priest says , "Don't start that shit again , you're in my closet now.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly , sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet , not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says , "Dark in here."
The man says , "Yes , it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No , thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK , how much?"
Boy - "$150"
Man - "Sold."
In the next few weeks , it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes , it is."
Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The lover , remembering the last time , asks the boy , "How much?"
Boy - "$350"
Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."
A few days later , the father says to the boy , "Grab your gloves , let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says , "I can't , I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks , "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy says , "$500"
The father says , "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... That is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says , "Dark in here."
The priest says , "Don't start that shit again , you're in my closet now.
Funniest School Excuse Notes !
These are the top ten funniest excuse notes from parents collected by schools from all over this country.
1. Please excuse Lola for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
2. Jimmy has been absent yesterday because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
3. My daughter is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute her.
4. Please excuse Jenny. She has been sick and under the doctor.
5. Sandra won't be in school a week from today. We have to attend her funeral.
6. Please excuse Holly from Jim today. She is administrating.
7. Kevin was absent from school yesterday because he was playing football. He was damaged in the growing part.
8. Amy could not come to school today because she was bothered by very close veins.
9. Please excuse Johnny for being. It was his father's fault.
10. Please excuse Jesse from school. He had very loose vowels
1. Please excuse Lola for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
2. Jimmy has been absent yesterday because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
3. My daughter is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute her.
4. Please excuse Jenny. She has been sick and under the doctor.
5. Sandra won't be in school a week from today. We have to attend her funeral.
6. Please excuse Holly from Jim today. She is administrating.
7. Kevin was absent from school yesterday because he was playing football. He was damaged in the growing part.
8. Amy could not come to school today because she was bothered by very close veins.
9. Please excuse Johnny for being. It was his father's fault.
10. Please excuse Jesse from school. He had very loose vowels
Anger Managment
Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?"
Wife: "I clean the toilet."
Husband: "How does that help?"
Wife: "I use your toothbrush ."
Wife: "I clean the toilet."
Husband: "How does that help?"
Wife: "I use your toothbrush ."
WIFE
Meaning of WIFE
Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!"
Wife replies, "No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!"
Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential? "
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! "
Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!"
Wife replies, "No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!"
Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential? "
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! "
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Pregnant lady
This is from an actual trial in the UK : A young woman who was
several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling
humiliated on Account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.
She moved again and then on her third move he burst out
laughing.... ......... ......She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked
why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help
noticing she was pregnant..
She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The
Gold Dust Twins'.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving
advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third
move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber
would have prevented this accident.'
The case was dismissed... ......! !!!!!!!
several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling
humiliated on Account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.
She moved again and then on her third move he burst out
laughing.... ......... ......She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked
why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help
noticing she was pregnant..
She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The
Gold Dust Twins'.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving
advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third
move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber
would have prevented this accident.'
The case was dismissed... ......! !!!!!!!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Shamshabad Airport
It is an video which tells different parts of new shamshabad airport.These are the main routes from different places to shamshabad.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
India Customs in hyderabad
I just came from USA and landed in hyderabad.
These are the tip and tricks to escape the Customs in hyderabad.
Tips
-----
1.We can bring goods(electronics,2litres of liquor and 200 cigars) worth 25000 rupees
2.We can bring one laptop per adult.
3.We can bring cash worth 10,000$.
Tricks
------
1.Dont get tensed if u have more goods.
2.They will first check your handlugage.Generally that will not create any problem.
3.If your suitcase which is checked in has some chalck marks then it is confirmed that they will catch you for customs.So if you remove those marks then that would be fine.
These are the tip and tricks to escape the Customs in hyderabad.
Tips
-----
1.We can bring goods(electronics,2litres of liquor and 200 cigars) worth 25000 rupees
2.We can bring one laptop per adult.
3.We can bring cash worth 10,000$.
Tricks
------
1.Dont get tensed if u have more goods.
2.They will first check your handlugage.Generally that will not create any problem.
3.If your suitcase which is checked in has some chalck marks then it is confirmed that they will catch you for customs.So if you remove those marks then that would be fine.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Recent Survey
A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night...5% said it was to get a glass of water...12% said it was to go the toilet ... 83% said it was to go home.
Bad Bargain
A man is walking around cannaught Place with his wife. They come to a perfume shop where the wife walks in and the hubby stands waiting outside.
A hooker comes along and tells the husband: "Like to come home with me, buddy?"
"For how much?" asks the man.
“500 Rupees," says the hooker. "I'll give you 100," quips the husband. The girl spits at him and walks away. A little later, the man's wife comes out of the shop and they continue their walk. When they turn the corner, they come upon the same hooker. She looks at the man and his wife and yells: "See, this is what you get for 100 Rs.!"
A hooker comes along and tells the husband: "Like to come home with me, buddy?"
"For how much?" asks the man.
“500 Rupees," says the hooker. "I'll give you 100," quips the husband. The girl spits at him and walks away. A little later, the man's wife comes out of the shop and they continue their walk. When they turn the corner, they come upon the same hooker. She looks at the man and his wife and yells: "See, this is what you get for 100 Rs.!"
The Tomato Garden
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his Tomato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament. Dear Vincenzo, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won' t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I am getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the garden for me Love, Papa
A few days later he received this letter from his son Vinnie. Dear Papa, I’d do anything for you Papa, except dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies. Love, Vinnie
At 4 am the next morning, FBI and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son Vinnie. Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Vinnie
A few days later he received this letter from his son Vinnie. Dear Papa, I’d do anything for you Papa, except dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies. Love, Vinnie
At 4 am the next morning, FBI and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son Vinnie. Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Vinnie
EAT Apple
Heard this saying, since our kindergarden days. Well and its not just saying but it is real mantra for living a healthy life. Fruits have all the nutrients required for you body and soul. Here are top 10 reasons why you should throw those pre-packed junk foods and get into fruit diet.
Fruit consists for the largest part of water
Just like the human body does. If you think about it, it’s logical to consume food that contains as much water as your body does…
Fruit Stimulates Our Memories
If you didn’t know yet: fruit is the ultimate brain fuel. Fruit has a positive effect on our brains and makes you recall information easier and faster…
The Miraculous Healing Effects Of Fruit
Spectacular stories about people that cured from cancer by a strict diet of raw fruits and/or vegetables are well known but do we want to believe them? We still don’t know that much about fruit and its contents…
Fruit Is 100% Bad-Cholesterol Free
No doubt about this reason. Too much cholesterol is not good for our bodies and fruit doesn’t contain much cholesterol. Animal products like meat and dairy contain a lot of cholesterol…
Fruit Makes You Feel Better
Several stories have told us about people that were frequently depressed and how they got out of their depression slowly but surely after consuming substantial amounts of fresh fruit on a regular basis. Eating a lot of fruit can have a mysterious healing effect on human beings…
Ethical Reasons To Eat Fruit
Fruit doesn’t have to be killed and slaughtered before you can eat it. The fruits are just hanging there waiting to be picked by you…
Fruit is not expensive at all
Did you always think that fruit is an expensive product? Take a good look at how much money you spend on other food. It could be worth something to replace some of those expenses with fruit…
Fibers
We do know now that a diet with plenty of fibers helps against corpulence, high blood pressure, and other factors that increase the chance for a heart disease. The food that contains these healthy (natural) fibers is…. right: FRUIT!
Fruit Is The Most Natural Food
Fruit is food that has been made by plants to be eaten by animals and humans in order to spread its seeds…
The Human Diet
Here we are convinced that a good human diet should consist of freshly squeezed fruit juices, bread, vegetables and some water. Since it is hard for the average homo sapiens to conform him or herself to such a severe diet, we suggest that one starts by eating five to nine pieces of fruit a day…
Fruit consists for the largest part of water
Just like the human body does. If you think about it, it’s logical to consume food that contains as much water as your body does…
Fruit Stimulates Our Memories
If you didn’t know yet: fruit is the ultimate brain fuel. Fruit has a positive effect on our brains and makes you recall information easier and faster…
The Miraculous Healing Effects Of Fruit
Spectacular stories about people that cured from cancer by a strict diet of raw fruits and/or vegetables are well known but do we want to believe them? We still don’t know that much about fruit and its contents…
Fruit Is 100% Bad-Cholesterol Free
No doubt about this reason. Too much cholesterol is not good for our bodies and fruit doesn’t contain much cholesterol. Animal products like meat and dairy contain a lot of cholesterol…
Fruit Makes You Feel Better
Several stories have told us about people that were frequently depressed and how they got out of their depression slowly but surely after consuming substantial amounts of fresh fruit on a regular basis. Eating a lot of fruit can have a mysterious healing effect on human beings…
Ethical Reasons To Eat Fruit
Fruit doesn’t have to be killed and slaughtered before you can eat it. The fruits are just hanging there waiting to be picked by you…
Fruit is not expensive at all
Did you always think that fruit is an expensive product? Take a good look at how much money you spend on other food. It could be worth something to replace some of those expenses with fruit…
Fibers
We do know now that a diet with plenty of fibers helps against corpulence, high blood pressure, and other factors that increase the chance for a heart disease. The food that contains these healthy (natural) fibers is…. right: FRUIT!
Fruit Is The Most Natural Food
Fruit is food that has been made by plants to be eaten by animals and humans in order to spread its seeds…
The Human Diet
Here we are convinced that a good human diet should consist of freshly squeezed fruit juices, bread, vegetables and some water. Since it is hard for the average homo sapiens to conform him or herself to such a severe diet, we suggest that one starts by eating five to nine pieces of fruit a day…
Old Man - joke
A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkups.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling.
" I've never been better," the old man replied." I've got a twenty-year-old bride who's pregnant & is about to deliver a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man asked.
The doctor thought for a moment, then says, " Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting.But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun ".
The doctor continued, " So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some bush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle.
BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him ."
That's impossible !" said the old man in disbelief. Someone else must have shot that lion.
" Exactly" Said the Doc
The doctor asked him how he was feeling.
" I've never been better," the old man replied." I've got a twenty-year-old bride who's pregnant & is about to deliver a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man asked.
The doctor thought for a moment, then says, " Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting.But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun ".
The doctor continued, " So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some bush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle.
BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him ."
That's impossible !" said the old man in disbelief. Someone else must have shot that lion.
" Exactly" Said the Doc
Bee
A man comes running to the doctor shouting and
Screaming in pain " Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."
DOCTOR: " Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."
MAN: " You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."
DOCTOR: " No, you don't understand! I'll put some
Cream on the place you were stung."
MAN: " Oh! It happened in the garden where I was
Sitting under a tree."'
DOCTOR (in anger): " No, no, you IDIOT! I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting."
MAN (still screaming in pain): " On my finger! The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts."
DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting):
" Which one?"
MAN (innocently): " How am I to know? All bees look the same to me."
Screaming in pain " Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."
DOCTOR: " Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."
MAN: " You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."
DOCTOR: " No, you don't understand! I'll put some
Cream on the place you were stung."
MAN: " Oh! It happened in the garden where I was
Sitting under a tree."'
DOCTOR (in anger): " No, no, you IDIOT! I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting."
MAN (still screaming in pain): " On my finger! The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts."
DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting):
" Which one?"
MAN (innocently): " How am I to know? All bees look the same to me."
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Help poor girl - PK
Help this poor girl –
You know very well that I normally don't forward such mails.
but this girl seems to have been struck by an awful tragedy,
which has landed her in this pitiable state. One look at her
picture (pasted below) will convince you of her condition.
Anyone willing to support her and provide some help
will be doing a great service. Please send your cheques
in my name
and I will pass on the amount to her. Thank you...
MAY GOD BLESS YOU .......
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
You know very well that I normally don't forward such mails.
but this girl seems to have been struck by an awful tragedy,
which has landed her in this pitiable state. One look at her
picture (pasted below) will convince you of her condition.
Anyone willing to support her and provide some help
will be doing a great service. Please send your cheques
in my name
and I will pass on the amount to her. Thank you...
MAY GOD BLESS YOU .......
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Mahatma Gandhi respected in Animal Kingdom
This is snap for Animal Kingdom in Disney World in orlando ..This snap shows how people around respect Mahatma Gandhi..
Friday, March 14, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Sunday, March 9, 2008
ISKON North Calorina
Today I visited ISKON temple near Durham .It is around 40 mins from the place i leave it is good place to be visited .They celebrated Sivarathri celebrations .I enjoyed the bhartnatyam's done by all the americans it was wonderful...The address is
New Goloka Farm Community (Hillsborough, NC)
1032 Dimmocks Mill Rd, 27278
Tel. (919) 732-6492 Fax: (919) 732-8033
E-mail: bkgoswami@compuserve.com
These are some of the snaps and videos
one more
one more
one more
New Goloka Farm Community (Hillsborough, NC)
1032 Dimmocks Mill Rd, 27278
Tel. (919) 732-6492 Fax: (919) 732-8033
E-mail: bkgoswami@compuserve.com
These are some of the snaps and videos
one more
one more
one more
Thursday, March 6, 2008
India's 40 Richest people
Lakshmi Mittal
Mukesh Ambani
Anil Ambani
Kushal Pal Singh
Azim Premji
Sunil Mittal
Shashi & Ravi Ruia
Ramesh Chandra
Kumar Birla
Tulsi Tanti
Savitri Jindal
Anil Agarwal
Gautam Adani
Grandhi Rao
Adi Godrej
Uday Kotak
Indu Jain
Shiv Nadar
Anand Jain
Dilip Shanghvi
Jaiprakash Gaur
Cyrus Poonawalla
Kalanithi Maran
Subhash Chandra
Baba Kalyani
Rakesh Wadhawan
Rahul Bajaj
Malvinder & Shivinder Singh
Venugopal Dhoot
Rajan Raheja
Niranjan Hiranandani
Vivek Burman
L. Madhusudhan Rao
Gautam Thapar
Anurag Dikshit
Vikas Oberoi
N.R. Narayana Murthy
Anu Aga
Gracias Saldanha
Vijay Mallya
Mukesh Ambani
Anil Ambani
Kushal Pal Singh
Azim Premji
Sunil Mittal
Shashi & Ravi Ruia
Ramesh Chandra
Kumar Birla
Tulsi Tanti
Savitri Jindal
Anil Agarwal
Gautam Adani
Grandhi Rao
Adi Godrej
Uday Kotak
Indu Jain
Shiv Nadar
Anand Jain
Dilip Shanghvi
Jaiprakash Gaur
Cyrus Poonawalla
Kalanithi Maran
Subhash Chandra
Baba Kalyani
Rakesh Wadhawan
Rahul Bajaj
Malvinder & Shivinder Singh
Venugopal Dhoot
Rajan Raheja
Niranjan Hiranandani
Vivek Burman
L. Madhusudhan Rao
Gautam Thapar
Anurag Dikshit
Vikas Oberoi
N.R. Narayana Murthy
Anu Aga
Gracias Saldanha
Vijay Mallya
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Seat Available for the Post of Girl Friend [Trainee]
Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below.
Designation: Junior girl friend (trainee)
Experience: Must have ditched at least 2 guys (fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)
Other requirement: Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required.
Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective
Perks and incentives.
Total gross ( Monthly ) :
2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
10 bike rides each duration 1 hour
5 trips to National Highways
5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Isckon Temple
10 Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-
2 movies ( Hindi Family movie only ) per month (on weekends)
Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every Weekend(On your own expense)
A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to the size available with the shopkeeper.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- - ---
Net Deductions ( Monthly ) : Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will be informed on joining
The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)
Pls note:
1. Only females
1. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.
2. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above Mentioned conditions.
There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral program by referring their friend, colleagues etc.
Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected.
Hurry Offer for limited period only
Designation: Junior girl friend (trainee)
Experience: Must have ditched at least 2 guys (fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)
Other requirement: Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required.
Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective
Perks and incentives.
Total gross ( Monthly ) :
2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
10 bike rides each duration 1 hour
5 trips to National Highways
5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Isckon Temple
10 Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-
2 movies ( Hindi Family movie only ) per month (on weekends)
Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every Weekend(On your own expense)
A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to the size available with the shopkeeper.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- - ---
Net Deductions ( Monthly ) : Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will be informed on joining
The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)
Pls note:
1. Only females
1. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.
2. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above Mentioned conditions.
There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral program by referring their friend, colleagues etc.
Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected.
Hurry Offer for limited period only
Indian Hell
A man dies and goes to hell.
There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German
devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line
of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put
you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of
nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you
for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there
so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not
work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is
a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then
goes to the canteen!!!
There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German
devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line
of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put
you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of
nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you
for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there
so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not
work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is
a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then
goes to the canteen!!!
Virgin Husband
A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice: "Daughter, when you're in Town and if you're looking for a match there, you must take note of the following the requirements mother set for you. You must find a man that is faithful', 'thrifty' and must be a 'virgin'.
With this advice from her mother, the girl went to Town. After some months later, she came home to get her mother's blessings to marry.
"Mother, I've met the my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?"
Her mother nodded in agreement.
"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, they'll share one room only. Isn't he not thrifty guy?"
For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.
"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin"
"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with repidition. "MMM...his 'that one' is still new and hard.... All wrapped up in plastic, mum !"
With this advice from her mother, the girl went to Town. After some months later, she came home to get her mother's blessings to marry.
"Mother, I've met the my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?"
Her mother nodded in agreement.
"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, they'll share one room only. Isn't he not thrifty guy?"
For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.
"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin"
"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with repidition. "MMM...his 'that one' is still new and hard.... All wrapped up in plastic, mum !"
Try To Know The Truth Before You React
Try To Know The Truth Before You React
The train has started moving. It is packedwith people of all ages, mostly with
the working men and women andyoung college guys and gals.
Near the window, seated a oldman with his 30 year old son. As the train moves
by, the son isoverwhelmed with joy as he was thrilled with the scenery outside..
"See dad, the scenery of green trees moving away is very beautiful"
Thisbehavior from a thirty year old son made the other people feel strangeabout
him. Every one started murmuring something or other about thisson."
This guy seems to be a krack.." newly married Anup whispered to his wife.
Suddenlyit started raining... Rain drops fell on the travelers through theopened
window. The Thirty year old son , filled with joy " see dad,how beautiful the
rain is ..."
Anup's wife got irritated with the rain drops spoiling her new suit.
Anup," cant you see its raining, you old man, if ur son is not feeling wellget
him soon to a mental asylum..and dont disturb public henceforth"
The old man hesitated first and then in a lowtone replied " we are on the way
back from hospital, my son gotdischarged today morning , he was a blind by
birth, last week only hegot his vision, these rain and nature are new to his
eyes.. Pleaseforgive us for the inconvenience caused..."
What we see may not always be right !! Hence try to know the truth before you
react.
Thanks
Madhur
The train has started moving. It is packedwith people of all ages, mostly with
the working men and women andyoung college guys and gals.
Near the window, seated a oldman with his 30 year old son. As the train moves
by, the son isoverwhelmed with joy as he was thrilled with the scenery outside..
"See dad, the scenery of green trees moving away is very beautiful"
Thisbehavior from a thirty year old son made the other people feel strangeabout
him. Every one started murmuring something or other about thisson."
This guy seems to be a krack.." newly married Anup whispered to his wife.
Suddenlyit started raining... Rain drops fell on the travelers through theopened
window. The Thirty year old son , filled with joy " see dad,how beautiful the
rain is ..."
Anup's wife got irritated with the rain drops spoiling her new suit.
Anup," cant you see its raining, you old man, if ur son is not feeling wellget
him soon to a mental asylum..and dont disturb public henceforth"
The old man hesitated first and then in a lowtone replied " we are on the way
back from hospital, my son gotdischarged today morning , he was a blind by
birth, last week only hegot his vision, these rain and nature are new to his
eyes.. Pleaseforgive us for the inconvenience caused..."
What we see may not always be right !! Hence try to know the truth before you
react.
Thanks
Madhur
Four managment lessons
Four Management Lessons
Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Number Three
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.
All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.
All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be Boss, any asshole will do!
Lesson Number Four
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard he bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lessons:
1. Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. When you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!
More Managment lessons
Managment lessons
Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Number Three
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.
All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.
All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be Boss, any asshole will do!
Lesson Number Four
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard he bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lessons:
1. Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. When you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!
More Managment lessons
Managment lessons