religious boy friend and chemist father

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The Chemist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

'Well,' he said, 'I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's 'the' night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack.'

The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree.

He begins the prayer, but continues praying with his head down for several minutes after everyone starts eating.

The girl leans over and says, 'You never told me that you were such a religious person.'

He leans over to her and says, 'You never told me that your father is a Chemist.'

virgin and pakistan cricket

Pakistan Cricket Board refuses Richard Branson's Virgin Airlines sponsorship!

Billionaire Virgin Business Group boss, Richard Branson
has offered to sponsor the Pakistan cricket team,
currently reeling after a string of tournament defeats.

However, the embattled Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) has
politely refused the generous multi-million- pound offer by the cricket-mad magnate.

As one harassed Board official snapped:

'We can't have 'VIRGIN' written on our shirts,
when we're getting fucked in every match!!

25 healthy tips

Automation Testers Recuritment

Satyam walkin in Unix,C++

Praja Rajyam ......Premey Lakshyam....Sevey maargam

Title: Praja Rajyam ......Premey Lakshyam....Sevey maargam
Cast: Chiranjeevi,Pawan kalyan,Nagababu,Harirama Jogayya
Story: Dr.Mitra & Allu Aravind
Dialogues: Paruchuri Brothers
Editing: Pawan Kalyan & Chiranjeevi
Music: Mega fans.
Screenplay & Direction : Allu Aravind
Producer: Chiranjeevi
Banner: Geetha Arts
Release Date: 26th August, 2008.

Not Chiranjeevi's usual fare,but not really unlike it.With the backdrop of a Poor Guy working hard for his family and Rose from "Ganji To Benz", he still mouths witty filmy lines, pulls faces and shows pathetic expressions in his characteristic style. Read on.
Plot Chiranjeevi was born in a poor family where his father is the Constable. His Mother got married at the age of 14 and gives birth to him at the age of 15.From then chiranjeevi worked hard and carried the responsibilities of the whole family on his own shoulders.There are many twists in the story and scentimental scenes like the hero wearing Knickers in +2 class when everyone is wearing pants.Working hard in fileds during paddy riping in sewage(As per my knowledge.... land will be dry during paddy riping time but dont know how the hero worked in sewage while riping the paddy...........anyway this scene got huge response from the crowds)........ from there pace of the story increased as it travels from Ganji to Benz ,from Mogaltur to Madras and from aalochana to aacharana.........and finally from Mandhu party to Raajakeeya Party.

Punch Lines:There are some punch lines which erosed laughter for some and tears for some
1.Ammaku "Boy" Naina neney.........aadukuney "TOY" nainaa neney.
2.Chinnappudu ekkuva kaalam Amma Vollo perigaanu........(Sabha ku vachina janaalu pakkintalla vollo perigaaraa?)
3.Amma......."Sindhuvu" kooda "Bindhuvu" nundey modhalavuthundhi......(ee rojullo kooda Amma tho evaranna antha naatakeeyam gaa maatlaadathaaraa?)

4."ganji" choosanu .."Benzi" choosanu........Mogaltur Pilla Kaalavullo eedhaanu............Los Angels lo Sky diving chesaanu.........(Inka CM padhavi okkatey migilindhaa?)



Story, Screenplay and Direction Welcome to the Good Old Big Telugu Family cinema. Chiranjeevi plays the title role of "Sevakudu", who of course did "Seva" for the family in the initial days and now he wants to do "Praja Seva" to the prajalu. He sacrifices for the family, does everything to save the name and honor of his family and also to Prajalu by starting the "Blood bank" No one knows he's doing all these good things for the family and people but found out in the Interval bang with lot of suspense and count down when he announced the party name as "Praja Rajyam"

Second half started with chiranjeevi holding paper in his hand and reading it continuosly for 1 hour and refering basic components like "Vidya" , "Vaidyam",'Samajika Nyayam".Here we will get lot of disappointment because of the routine issues talked by many people in the past and chiru doing the same without telling us how he will do them....many people in the theatre starts Yawning here and we can see some people having Good Knap.Direction is Shoddy and pale in the second half as the interest slowly disappeared.Climax is a bit entertaining as it gives a pinch of scentiment dose to the people by hoisting the flag by a physically challenged boy.The most awaited film ended there.



Performances And there's Chiranjeevi himself. His Matin Luther King like antics entertain and keep everyone alert, and the script and dialogues totally side with him in the pursuit of entertainment. There are some gags too, at the right time and place, carefully merged into the script. How he can do the things he promised is not established properly in the script creating a lot of confusion among people of what his idea to enter into politics. He and his Flag hoisting sentiment by physically challenged boy is Paisa Vasool.



This is a total, typical family entertainer; gags, sentiment and sacrifice. Nothing more or less. There've been several movies like this, and hopefully India will never give up its ‘Family Entertainers'. It's still likely you'll walk out before the climax, because in all respects the movie ends there and drags on.

Sidelights:In the interval bang it was announced that the suspense will be unveiled and Party Name will be announced by 3 Girijanulu.......but dont know why it is not done

Last Word Routine Cinema.....better forget it..............1983 lo vachina cinema "Sholey" ayithey dhaaniki anukarana gaa vachina ee cinema "Ramgopal varma ka AAG"

Final Verdict: First half Comedy..........Second Half routine......Overall Talk: Cinema Nilabadadhu

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Old ladies and driver

A tour bus driver is driving a bus load of seniors down high way.

An old lady tapped on his shoulder and offered him a

handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his

shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks

the little old lady, ' Why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?'.

'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

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Testers,.Net developers,Sharepoint walkins

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Telangana wedding Invitation

SAP AND Oracle APPS recuritment..satyam

Similarities between bra and bar

1. Both have same alphabets

2. Both contain drinks

3. Both have restricted time for Opening & Closing

4. When open, both drive men crazy.

Attitude

If
A=1
B=2
C=3
D=4
E=5
F=6
G=7
H=8
I=9
J=10
K=11
L=12
M=13
N=14
O=15
P=16
Q=17
R=18
S=19
T=20
U=21
V=22
W=23
X=24
Y=25
Z=26

Then
H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K =
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E =
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%


L+O+V+E=
12+15+22+5=54%


L+U+C+K =
12+21+3+11 = 47%


(None of them makes 100%)

...............................

Then what makes 100%


Is it Money? ..... No!!!!!


Leadership? ...... NO!!!!


Every problem has a solution,

only if we perhaps change our "ATTITUDE".


It is OUR ATTITUDE towards Life and Work
that makes OUR Life 100% Successful..


A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E =
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5=100%

Out of box thinking

A man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 2:00 AM, he leaned over and gently wakes the woman, saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be kind enough to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, why don't we pretend that we're married?"

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he is excited.

And she said.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.

"Then get up and take it yourself"!! :)))))

whiskey and worms

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about The evils of liquor,

So he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water,

A glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked. Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded,

"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

Smart woman

Barbara Walters of Television's ABC 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul,
Afghanistan, several yearsbefore the Afghan conflict. She noted that women
customarily walked 5 paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their
husbands. From Ms. Walter's vantage point, despite the overthrow of the
oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind
their husbands and are happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem
happy with the old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?"

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes,and without hesitation said,
"Land mines."

funny Signboards

Sign on a famous beauty parlour window: Don't whistle at the girl going
out from here. She may be your Grandmother!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Advertisement in Pune Shop : Guitar, for sale.......cheap...........no
strings attached.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sign in a bar : "Those .....drinking to forget........ please pay in
advance."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you
wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up............. reading.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He drinks
straight out of the bottle.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case
someone wants Black Coffee.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Getting caught is the mother of Invention.
----------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Laugh and the world laughs with you, Snore and you sleep alone.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe
is the fact that it has never tried to contact us.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seen on a bulletin board: Success is relative. More the success, more
the relatives.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay: We need your heads to run
our business.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A traffic slogan: Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough or
else they will never be.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sign in a restaurant: All drinking water in this establishment has been
personally passed by the manager.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seen in railway station at Patna: Aana free, Jaana free, Pakde gaye to
khana free.

Religious husband

 HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM CHURCH; 

HE GREETS HIS WIFE AND LIFTS HER UP.

 HE THEN CARRIED HER AROUND THE HOUSE. 

THE WIFE WAS SO SURPRISED AND SHE ASKED'

DID THE BISHOP PREACH ABOUT BEING ROMANTIC'?

 THE HUSBAND SAID, 'NO, HE SAID WE MUST 

CARRY OUR BURDENS AND SORROWS'. 

Think before you speak

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with mens balls"

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

condom and flu

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.

She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint

sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a CUT -glass

bowl sitting on top of it.The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated,

of all things, a condom!


When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.


The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange

floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.



'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing

to the bowl.


'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few


months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to
place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.


Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'

men dont understand really

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her
room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and
noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched
her. They tried it again and sure enough there was sizable movement.*

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, as
crazy as this sounds, maybe a little "0ral sex" will do the trick &
bring her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close
the curtains for privacy.

The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few
minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The
nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure; maybe she choked

black condom

This just-married white couple decided to make love on the wedding
night
in the hotel where they held their wedding. The wife did not want to
get
pregnant and requested the husband to buy a condom from a shop nearby.

When the husband went out, the wife waited anxiously in bed with all
the lights switched off. While the husband is out, a thief came into
the
room. The wife did not notice this and thought that it was her husband.
She grabs the man and happily begins doing it with him.

Afterwards, the wife was so exhausted that she fell asleep almost
immediately. In the mean time, the husband had a hard time looking for
a
shop that sold condoms and when he finally found one, he realized that
he had only 20 cents on him. He asked the shop owner to sell him one
condom and the shop owner asks him which he wants....

"The white condom, the lowest quality, is 15 cents each. The black
condoms, which are of average quality, are 20 cents each. And the
purple
condom, highest quality, is 25 cents each." The husband, wanting the
best condom for the money he had on him, bought the black condom. When
he reached the hotel, he found his wife sleeping.

Without a warning, he jumps onto his wife and started making love. The
wife was surprised that the husband was as energetic as she enjoyed the
session.

Nine months later, the wife gave birth to a black baby boy. Years
later,
when the boy grows up, he asks the father "Pa, why I am black and you
are white?"

To which the father replies "You are damn lucky already, 5 cents more
and you would have been PURPLE!

lady and casino dealers

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she strips naked from her neck down, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Mom needs new clothes!" Then she hollers..."YES! YES! I WON! IWON!"

Then she begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers.

With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealer's just stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other answers, "I thought YOU were watching!"

Good quotes

Here are a few select tags :

1) The hardest working seven letter word " SUCCESS "

2) There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved

3) Life is an icecream, eat b4 it melts..

4) never change your self for others try to be what you are

5) Its tough job being smart.......But somebodies got to do it

6) We are all born in this world for some special Purpose... none of us are waste........ So, don't be a prisoner of past be an architect of ur future

7) No body is perfect.... I am nobody

8) You are the creator of your own destiny

9) The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart, head and hands

10) if music be the food of love, play on

11) Great pleasure in life is in doing what people say you can't do it

12) Success lies not in the result but in the effort....Being the Best is not at all important, Doing the best is all that matters

13) Smile cost nothing... but means a lot

14) Enjoy your life Today bcoz yesterday has gone and Tommorow may never comes

15) in life we find each other..in each other we find love

16) Always ask GOD 2 give you what you Deserve,,,,,Not what you Desire.....Its because your desire may be few,,,but YOU deserve a LOT

17) WHAT I AM IS GOD'S GIFT TO ME, WHAT I BECOME IS MY GIFT TO GOD

18) True friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known until it be lost

Bihari english letter

A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing...

_________

Deer sur,

If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.

This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly,but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment.

I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun.

I putted a complain on station masterji.

He said I to go to the lady clerk.

At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun.

Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.

Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life.

I hope u will look into explain my hole story after,and late me joint first.

I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement.

May God blast you!"


Yours awfully,
yadav

oracle Apps Technical Consultants

Petrol is cheap

Diesel (regular) in Mumbai : Rs.36.08 per litre

Petrol (speed) in Mumbai : Rs.52 per litre

Coca Cola 330 ml can : Rs.20 = Rs.61 per litre

Dettol antiseptic 100 ml Rs.20 = Rs.200 per litre

Radiator coolant 500 ml Rs.160 = Rs.320 per litre

Pantene conditioner 400 ml Rs.165 = Rs.413 per litre

Medicinal Mouthwash like Listerine 100 ml Rs.45 = Rs. 450 per litre

Red Bull 150 ml can : Rs.75 = Rs.500 per litre

Corex cough syrup 100 ml Rs.57 = Rs. 570 per litre

Evian water 500 ml Rs. 330 = Rs. 660 per litre

Rs. 660 for a litre of WATER !!

And the buyers don't even know the source (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)

Kores whiteout 15 ml Rs. 15 = Rs. 1000 per litre

Cup of coffee at any decent business hotel 100 ml Rs. 50 = Rs. 500 per litre

Old Spice after shave lotion 100 ml Rs. 175 = Rs. 1750 per litre

Pure almond oil 25 ml Rs. 68 = Rs. 2720 per litre

And this is the REAL KICKER...

HP DeskJet colour ink cartridge 21 ml Rs.1900 = Rs. 90476 per litre!!!

Now you know why computer printers are so cheap ? So they have you hooked for the ink ! So, the next time you're at the pump, don't curse anyone – just be glad your car doesn't run on cough syrup, after shave, coffee, or God forbid, printer ink!