First, marriage should be love
all encompassing, total, and free.
Love that grows stronger each day
soft murmurs of Thee, Thee, Thee.
Second, marriage should be sacrifice
giving of self, regardless of reward.
Gift gladly given, with open heart
shielded from life's harsh sword.
Third, marriage should be commitment
utter loyalty, deep to the bone.
Absolutely, no questions asked
faithfully promised, never alone.
Lastly, marriage should be forever
family bonded, yet all still free.
Lives joined with love, sacrifice, and commitment
an eternity promised with -
Thee, Thee, Thee
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Smart child
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees |
Is BUS..........male or female?
Is BUS..........male or female?
There is a classroom of some small children (5-7yrs),
with a genius boy (Bablu) and a smart one (Pappu ).The
dialogue between the two and the teacher goes
something like this:
Bablu: "Teacher, teacher! Is Bus male or female?
Teacher : Thinking.......
Pappu: "Teacher, teacher! It is female"
Bablu : "Kyon?"
Pappu: "Kyon ki sab log uspe chadte hain."
Teacher is pareshan. While Bablu gets in doubt.
Bablu: "Agar bus female hai aur sab uspe chadte hain
to uske bacche kyon nahin hote?"
Teacher is more pareshan.
Pappu : "Kyon ki sab us par peeche se chadte hain."
Teacher is now hiding her face.Bablu gets another
doubt.
Bablu: "Maana sabhi peeche se chadte hain, but driver
aur conductor to aagay se chadte hain. Phir bachche
kyon nahin hote?"
Teacher is sweating as it is getting too much to
handle.
Pappu replies: "Kyon ki woh dono topi pehanke chadte
hain."
Teacher faints !!!!!!!
There is a classroom of some small children (5-7yrs),
with a genius boy (Bablu) and a smart one (Pappu ).The
dialogue between the two and the teacher goes
something like this:
Bablu: "Teacher, teacher! Is Bus male or female?
Teacher : Thinking.......
Pappu: "Teacher, teacher! It is female"
Bablu : "Kyon?"
Pappu: "Kyon ki sab log uspe chadte hain."
Teacher is pareshan. While Bablu gets in doubt.
Bablu: "Agar bus female hai aur sab uspe chadte hain
to uske bacche kyon nahin hote?"
Teacher is more pareshan.
Pappu : "Kyon ki sab us par peeche se chadte hain."
Teacher is now hiding her face.Bablu gets another
doubt.
Bablu: "Maana sabhi peeche se chadte hain, but driver
aur conductor to aagay se chadte hain. Phir bachche
kyon nahin hote?"
Teacher is sweating as it is getting too much to
handle.
Pappu replies: "Kyon ki woh dono topi pehanke chadte
hain."
Teacher faints !!!!!!!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
How to use google
Hi,
These are some of the important ways you can make use of Google.
1. Search Engine -- we know it already
2. Calculator -- Solves most complex maths
3. Get Definations -- We can get definations of english,scientific terms etc
Usage : Type as below in the search box in google page
examples
Define: touts
Define: FDA
4. Currency Coversion -- get the exchange rates between different countries
Example :
US dollar to Indian rupee
5. Search for a particular filetype
Example :
filetype:PDF indian market
6. Search for books
Use : books.google.com
7. Price comparision and products advise
Use : www.google.com/products
8. Groups -- It also collobrates usenet groups which have large amount of data
Use : groups.google.com
9. Images -- the advanced feature in the images helps to get any size images
Use : images.google.com
10. Movies -- we can get the movie ratings,dialogues,cast of the movies and also showtimes
Use : Type following in the google search box
Example
Movie: Guru
11. Getting Phone numbers -- We can get phone numbers of any person from google
Use : Type following in the google search box
Example
phone book : Daniel donald Durham
12. Travel -- We can track the aeroplane status etc easily
13. Local time -- We can track any time in around the world
Use : Type following in the google search box
Example
time in hyderabad
14. Maps -- we can make the most of it by taking directions,finding out distances etc
Use : maps.google.com
15. Q&A -- We can ask questions and answers easily here
Use : Type following in the google search box
Example
population of india
16. Google Finance -- Get the stock ticker with lastest updates
Use : finance.google.com
Example
TRMB
17. Google cached pages -- Can be used for anonymous surfing ,site is down,server blocked
18. Language translation -- Can be used for transalting the webpages
Use :
19 Spell check-- we can type the word which we want google asks whether is this the word you want to look for
20. Similar pages -- Helps to get similar pages for current search
21. Site search -- Can be used to search the data with in a particular site
Use : Type following in the google search box
Example
site: microsoft.com patch for windows vista
These are some of the important ways you can make use of Google.
1. Search Engine -- we know it already
2. Calculator -- Solves most complex maths
3. Get Definations -- We can get definations of english,scientific terms etc
Usage : Type as below in the search box in google page
examples
Define: touts
Define: FDA
4. Currency Coversion -- get the exchange rates between different countries
Example :
US dollar to Indian rupee
5. Search for a particular filetype
Example :
filetype:PDF indian market
6. Search for books
Use : books.google.com
7. Price comparision and products advise
Use : www.google.com/products
8. Groups -- It also collobrates usenet groups which have large amount of data
Use : groups.google.com
9. Images -- the advanced feature in the images helps to get any size images
Use : images.google.com
10. Movies -- we can get the movie ratings,dialogues,cast of the movies and also showtimes
Use : Type following in the google search box
Example
Movie: Guru
11. Getting Phone numbers -- We can get phone numbers of any person from google
Use : Type following in the google search box
Example
phone book : Daniel donald Durham
12. Travel -- We can track the aeroplane status etc easily
13. Local time -- We can track any time in around the world
Use : Type following in the google search box
Example
time in hyderabad
14. Maps -- we can make the most of it by taking directions,finding out distances etc
Use : maps.google.com
15. Q&A -- We can ask questions and answers easily here
Use : Type following in the google search box
Example
population of india
16. Google Finance -- Get the stock ticker with lastest updates
Use : finance.google.com
Example
TRMB
17. Google cached pages -- Can be used for anonymous surfing ,site is down,server blocked
18. Language translation -- Can be used for transalting the webpages
Use :
19 Spell check-- we can type the word which we want google asks whether is this the word you want to look for
20. Similar pages -- Helps to get similar pages for current search
21. Site search -- Can be used to search the data with in a particular site
Use : Type following in the google search box
Example
site: microsoft.com patch for windows vista
* How girls use guys * with examples :)
Girls' relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves. It's not just about boyfriends, we're talking about guy friends that gals have.
Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are you confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams come closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn't fit to wear Jeetendra's white shoes? Here's a ready reckoner for you:
* % just a friend % *
Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, "Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??"
Rahul: "Where are you going Sanjana??"
Sanjana: "None of your business" and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph!).
* % Good Friend % *
You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that but I try using you when I really need you.
Rahul calls: "Hi Sanjana",
Sanjana: "Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye"
(Sanjana eventually calls back after two days)
Sanjana: "What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day?".
Rahul: "Generally".
Sanjana: "Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye."
Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.
* % Very good friend % *
Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl, she will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone. Basically, she wants to talk to you and you are special to her.
Sanjana: "You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn't sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn't like me anymore and yesterday I saw him with another girl".
Rahul: "Who is Shekhar??"
Sanjana : "My boyfriend."
Rahul: Oh! ok. :-(
* % Best Friend % *
You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can't live without you and don't be mistaken, You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun.
Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee Rahul, you pay. I am having fun.
Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.
Sanjana: "But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friends
Rahul. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that."
Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).
* % Best of the Bestest Friends % *
Ok now you are really special, You are dad-cum-boyfriend- cum-brother- cum-everything, Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl.
You take her around.
You make her project.
You do her assignments.
You are allowed to take her doggie around.
You can hold hands on the beach.
You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along).
But but but... don't be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 5 times the salary you earn and has a posh flat in an up class area.
Sanjana: "Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar. Shekhar this is Rahul, he is my bestest friend".
Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul's wrist).
Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.
* % Boyfriend %*
Uh... No comments dude. You're already Gone!
For all Rahul type guys? Make sure that you tell Sanjana about Mamta and about Maya? and about Tina also?
This will open Sanjana's eyes!!!!
Send it to boys to improve their Knowledge bank :)
Send it to girls who want to live in reality :)
Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are you confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams come closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn't fit to wear Jeetendra's white shoes? Here's a ready reckoner for you:
* % just a friend % *
Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, "Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??"
Rahul: "Where are you going Sanjana??"
Sanjana: "None of your business" and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph!).
* % Good Friend % *
You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that but I try using you when I really need you.
Rahul calls: "Hi Sanjana",
Sanjana: "Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye"
(Sanjana eventually calls back after two days)
Sanjana: "What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day?".
Rahul: "Generally".
Sanjana: "Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye."
Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.
* % Very good friend % *
Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl, she will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone. Basically, she wants to talk to you and you are special to her.
Sanjana: "You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn't sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn't like me anymore and yesterday I saw him with another girl".
Rahul: "Who is Shekhar??"
Sanjana : "My boyfriend."
Rahul: Oh! ok. :-(
* % Best Friend % *
You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can't live without you and don't be mistaken, You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun.
Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee Rahul, you pay. I am having fun.
Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.
Sanjana: "But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friends
Rahul. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that."
Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).
* % Best of the Bestest Friends % *
Ok now you are really special, You are dad-cum-boyfriend- cum-brother- cum-everything, Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl.
You take her around.
You make her project.
You do her assignments.
You are allowed to take her doggie around.
You can hold hands on the beach.
You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along).
But but but... don't be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 5 times the salary you earn and has a posh flat in an up class area.
Sanjana: "Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar. Shekhar this is Rahul, he is my bestest friend".
Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul's wrist).
Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.
* % Boyfriend %*
Uh... No comments dude. You're already Gone!
For all Rahul type guys? Make sure that you tell Sanjana about Mamta and about Maya? and about Tina also?
This will open Sanjana's eyes!!!!
Send it to boys to improve their Knowledge bank :)
Send it to girls who want to live in reality :)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
interesting facts -3
The time spent deleting SPAM costs United States businesses $21.6 billion
annually.
60.7 percent of eligible voters participated in the 2004 presidential election,
the highest percentage in 36 years. However, more than 78 million did not vote.
This means President Bush won re-election by receiving votes from less than 31%
of all eligible voters in the United States.
John Quincy Adams, sixth president of the United States, loved to skinny dip in
the Potomac River.
La Paz, Bolivia has an average annual temperature below 50 degrees Fahrenheit.
However, it has never recorded a zero-degree temperature. Same for Stanley,
Falkland Islands and Punta Arenas, Chile.
41% of Chinese people eat at least once a week at a fast food restaurant. 35% of
Americans do.
A Wisconsin forklift operator for a Miller beer distributor was fired when a
picture was published in a newspaper showing him drinking a Bud Light.
G-rated family films earn more money than any other rating. Yet only 3% of
Hollywood's output is G-rated.
Richard Hatch, winner of the first "Survivor" reality series, has been charged
with tax evasion for failing to report his $1,000,000 prize.
The entire fleet of Unicoi County Tennessee's salt trucks was rendered out of
commission in one accident. All three trucks were badly damaged when one of them
began skidding down a road, causing a chain reaction accident. Officials blamed
road conditions.
More people study English in China than speak it in the United States of America
(300 million).
Fast food provider Hardee's has recently introduced the Monster Thickburger. It
has 1,420 calories and 107 grams of fat.
More than 2,500 left-handed people are killed each year from using products that
are made for right-handed people.
For every person on earth, there are an estimated 200 million insects.
There are 2,000,000 millionaires in the United States.
1.5 million Americans are charged with drunk driving each year.
A Georgia company will mix your loved one's ashes with cement and drop it into
the ocean to form an artificial reef.
The Washington Times newspaper is owned by the Rev. Sun Myung Moon.
The busiest shopping hour of the holiday season is between 3:00 pm and 4:00 pm
on Christmas Eve.
In 2002, women earned 742,000 bachelor's degrees. Men earned only 550,000 during
the same year. The difference is growing so large that many colleges now
practice (quietly) affirmative action for male applicants.
Most of the deck chairs on the Queen Mary 2 have had to be replaced because
overweight Americans were breaking them.
Actor Bill Murray doesn't have a publicist or an agent.
The day after President George W. Bush was reelected, Canada's main immigration
website had 115,000 visitors. Before Bush's re-election, this site averaged
about 20,000 visitors each day.
Only 30% of stolen artwork worth more than $1,000,000 each is recovered.
The typical American child receives 70 new toys a year, most of them during the
holiday season.
90% of Canada's 31,000,000 citizens live within 100 miles of the U.S. border.
annually.
60.7 percent of eligible voters participated in the 2004 presidential election,
the highest percentage in 36 years. However, more than 78 million did not vote.
This means President Bush won re-election by receiving votes from less than 31%
of all eligible voters in the United States.
John Quincy Adams, sixth president of the United States, loved to skinny dip in
the Potomac River.
La Paz, Bolivia has an average annual temperature below 50 degrees Fahrenheit.
However, it has never recorded a zero-degree temperature. Same for Stanley,
Falkland Islands and Punta Arenas, Chile.
41% of Chinese people eat at least once a week at a fast food restaurant. 35% of
Americans do.
A Wisconsin forklift operator for a Miller beer distributor was fired when a
picture was published in a newspaper showing him drinking a Bud Light.
G-rated family films earn more money than any other rating. Yet only 3% of
Hollywood's output is G-rated.
Richard Hatch, winner of the first "Survivor" reality series, has been charged
with tax evasion for failing to report his $1,000,000 prize.
The entire fleet of Unicoi County Tennessee's salt trucks was rendered out of
commission in one accident. All three trucks were badly damaged when one of them
began skidding down a road, causing a chain reaction accident. Officials blamed
road conditions.
More people study English in China than speak it in the United States of America
(300 million).
Fast food provider Hardee's has recently introduced the Monster Thickburger. It
has 1,420 calories and 107 grams of fat.
More than 2,500 left-handed people are killed each year from using products that
are made for right-handed people.
For every person on earth, there are an estimated 200 million insects.
There are 2,000,000 millionaires in the United States.
1.5 million Americans are charged with drunk driving each year.
A Georgia company will mix your loved one's ashes with cement and drop it into
the ocean to form an artificial reef.
The Washington Times newspaper is owned by the Rev. Sun Myung Moon.
The busiest shopping hour of the holiday season is between 3:00 pm and 4:00 pm
on Christmas Eve.
In 2002, women earned 742,000 bachelor's degrees. Men earned only 550,000 during
the same year. The difference is growing so large that many colleges now
practice (quietly) affirmative action for male applicants.
Most of the deck chairs on the Queen Mary 2 have had to be replaced because
overweight Americans were breaking them.
Actor Bill Murray doesn't have a publicist or an agent.
The day after President George W. Bush was reelected, Canada's main immigration
website had 115,000 visitors. Before Bush's re-election, this site averaged
about 20,000 visitors each day.
Only 30% of stolen artwork worth more than $1,000,000 each is recovered.
The typical American child receives 70 new toys a year, most of them during the
holiday season.
90% of Canada's 31,000,000 citizens live within 100 miles of the U.S. border.
Monday, May 12, 2008
What is the difference between Saali & Wife
Saali is Beauty, Wife is Duty
Saali is Pension, Wife is Tension
Saali is Yummy, Wife is Vehmi
Saali is Pataka, Wife is BATAKA
Saali is Cool, Wife is Fool
Saali is Tooti - Fruity, Wife is Kismat Futi
Saali is Fresh cake , Wife is earth QUAKE
Saali is Pension, Wife is Tension
Saali is Yummy, Wife is Vehmi
Saali is Pataka, Wife is BATAKA
Saali is Cool, Wife is Fool
Saali is Tooti - Fruity, Wife is Kismat Futi
Saali is Fresh cake , Wife is earth QUAKE
Sexy mathematician
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:
"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Smart wife
This husband who is out of town for a couple of months writes to his wife.
Dear Sweetheart,
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my
sweetheart
Your husband
His wife replied back after some days to her husband:
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses
instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other
items........
5.. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I
can complete the month using this balance.
Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!
Your Sweet Heart
Dear Sweetheart,
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my
sweetheart
Your husband
His wife replied back after some days to her husband:
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses
instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other
items........
5.. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I
can complete the month using this balance.
Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!
Your Sweet Heart
Newtons law of love
Universal law:
"Love can
neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from one
girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money ".
First law:
"a
boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girlin
love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unlessany
external agent (brother or father of the gal) comes into play andbreak
the legs of the boy."
Second law:
"the
rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy isdirectly
proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy andthe
direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of thebank
balance."
Third law:
"the
force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to
the force applied by the girl while using her sandals".
Jimmedari
Teacher: Jimmedari kya hoti hai ?
Student: Madam agar apke blouse k 4 batton me se 3 tut jaye to 4th pe jo aati hai, usko jimmedari kehte hai.
Student: Madam agar apke blouse k 4 batton me se 3 tut jaye to 4th pe jo aati hai, usko jimmedari kehte hai.
Time for sex
Lady: What is a good time for Sex?
Doctor: In the afternon between 2 to 4.
Lady: Why ?
Dr: The compounder will not be here...
Doctor: In the afternon between 2 to 4.
Lady: Why ?
Dr: The compounder will not be here...
Bachaa kis ka hai
Scene: Husband and Wife in court getting a divorce.
The problem was who should get custody of the child????
Wife jumped up and said: "Your Honor! I brought the child into this world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody."
The judge turns to Husband and says "What do you have to say in your defense?"
The husband sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose.
"Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out. Whose Pepsi is it? the machine's or mine?"
Yeh sunke...Wife replied : "Judge sahab...bartan mera...dudh bhi mera...aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 bunde daalne se dahi bana tu fir wo dahi kiska..? mera ya do bund dalane vale ka"
Husband replied : "Typewriter mein kagaz mainedala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maineki, fir chitthi kiski? typewriter ki ya meri?"
Frustrated Judge: "Agar tu chithi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati."
The problem was who should get custody of the child????
Wife jumped up and said: "Your Honor! I brought the child into this world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody."
The judge turns to Husband and says "What do you have to say in your defense?"
The husband sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose.
"Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out. Whose Pepsi is it? the machine's or mine?"
Yeh sunke...Wife replied : "Judge sahab...bartan mera...dudh bhi mera...aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 bunde daalne se dahi bana tu fir wo dahi kiska..? mera ya do bund dalane vale ka"
Husband replied : "Typewriter mein kagaz mainedala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maineki, fir chitthi kiski? typewriter ki ya meri?"
Frustrated Judge: "Agar tu chithi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati."
Woman with not habbits
A
woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a
particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for
a couple of dollars for dinner.The woman took out her wallet, extracted
ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some
wine with it instead of dinner?""No," I had to stop drinking years ago,
the homeless woman replied. "Will you use it to go shopping instead of
buying food?" the woman asked."No," I don't waste time shopping, the
homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay
alive." "Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the
woman asked."Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had
my hair done in 20 years!" "Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to
give you the money. Instead, I'm going t o take you out for dinner with
my husband and myself tonight.The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't
your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and
I probably smell pretty disgusting."The woman replied, "That's okay.
It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has
given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."
Friday, May 9, 2008
Tit for tat
A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone.
After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her,
"Er... Excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"
She responds in a loud voice :
" NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them.
The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.
After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes,
and says, "You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and
I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
The young man responds loudly with,
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN FIVE THOUSAND RUPEES. THATS TOO MUCH !"
Unlock the deadlock
Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad,
So make arrangement.
Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and
I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.
Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going
abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving
private tution: I have work for a week, so you need
not come for class.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a
week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets
spend the week together.
Grandpa make call to his secretary: This week I am
spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend
that meeting.
Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss
has some work, we cancelled our trip.
Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend
this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving
private tution: This week we will have class as usual.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my
teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I
can't give you company.
Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this
week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .
Difference between European Couple and Eastern Couple
Amazing one....!!!!!!!!!
Diff between European & Middle Eastern couple...
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Real diff between European & Middle Eastern couple...
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Thursday, May 8, 2008
Man with no habits
A beggar came along and asked him for some money. Thev man ignored him. But
being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated
when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with
some money.
Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you
tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would
have bought a cup of tea", replied the
beggar.
The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then
took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.
The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar,
"Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".
The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".
The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race
course.Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets.
If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".
As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I
can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."
Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with
him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least
something from the man. But he still had his
doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with
you".
The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad
habits looks like."
being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated
when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with
some money.
Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you
tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would
have bought a cup of tea", replied the
beggar.
The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then
took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.
The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar,
"Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".
The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".
The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race
course.Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets.
If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".
As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I
can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."
Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with
him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least
something from the man. But he still had his
doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with
you".
The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad
habits looks like."
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Calories burnt in sex
CALORIES BURNED DURING SEX!
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent 12 Calories
Without her consent 2,187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands 8 Calories
With one hand 12 Calories
With your teeth 485 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection 6 Calories
Without an erection 3,315 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary 12 Calories
69 lying down 78 Calories
69 standing up 812 Calories
Wheelbarrow 216 Calories
Doggy Style 326 Calories
Italian chandelier 2,912 Calories
ORGASMS:
Real 112 Calories
Fake 1,315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging 18 Calories
Getting up immediately 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately 816
Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years 36 Calories
30-39 years 80 Calories
40-49 years 124 Calories
50-59 years 1,972 Calories
60-69 years 7,916 Calories
70 and over Results are still pending
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly.. 32 Calories
In a hurry 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door 5,218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door 13,521 Calories
Results may vary!
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent 12 Calories
Without her consent 2,187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands 8 Calories
With one hand 12 Calories
With your teeth 485 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection 6 Calories
Without an erection 3,315 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary 12 Calories
69 lying down 78 Calories
69 standing up 812 Calories
Wheelbarrow 216 Calories
Doggy Style 326 Calories
Italian chandelier 2,912 Calories
ORGASMS:
Real 112 Calories
Fake 1,315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging 18 Calories
Getting up immediately 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately 816
Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years 36 Calories
30-39 years 80 Calories
40-49 years 124 Calories
50-59 years 1,972 Calories
60-69 years 7,916 Calories
70 and over Results are still pending
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly.. 32 Calories
In a hurry 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door 5,218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door 13,521 Calories
Results may vary!
