All the messages below are just forwarded messages if some one feels hurt about it please add your comments we will remove the post.Host/author is not responsible for these posts
Friday, June 6, 2008
Cabs bandh in hyderabad..airport update
GMR has already increased the number of buses to airport.and number of people going by aeroexpress also increased so be well before your start time.
hoping this cabs bandh should come to an end..
orange cabs 040 44454647
easy cabs 040 43434343
meeru cabs 040 44224422
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Difference
First one is prepaid, second is postpaid and the last one is democard.
Good manners
manners,
asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll
be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom
at
the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us
your
good manners?"
Johnny said "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a
moment?
I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to
introduce to you after dinner."
I am ur husband
subsequent to an afternoon of intense love making.
.
Suddenly there is the sound of a car pulling up alongside the curb
outside.
.
Partly woke up and startled, the woman pokes the man and said, "Oh shit, quick get running, that's my stupid husband."
.
With a speed of lightening, the man throws himself out of the bed, picks up his clothes, rushes to the window nude, about to jump out and suddenly stops dead.
.
"What do you mean?" he bellows, "I AM your husband!"
Come let us
A ten year old girl rushes to her grandmother and asks her, “Can I be pregnant?"
Grandmother, "Are you fooling. You can not be pregnant. Go and play out side."
The girl then goes to grandfather and asks him the same question and the reply also is the same.
The girl goes to her father with the same question and gets a slap on her face with a same reply.
Finally she goes to her mother and asks her, “Mama, Can I be pregnant?"
Mama shouts at her “You madcap. You fool. You can not. Don't even think like that."
Girl comes out of her building to meet her twelve year old boy-friend and shouts at him, “See every body has confirmed that I can not be pregnant. There is nothing to worry. You always worry unnecessarily. Come let us ......."
Helping man
said, "Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you—we've looked at your life, and you really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?"
The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, "Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of bikers. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the bikers. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the
woman or they would have to deal with me!"
"I'm impressed," St. Peter responded. "When did this happen?"
"About two minutes ago," came the reply.
HR love letter
Hope you would enjoy it.
To, Ms. XYZ Agarwal 7.0 S.M
Sub: Offer of love!
Dearest Ms XYZ,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 20th of October (Thursday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 19th of Oct. at 1500hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take! up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
Warewolf ...by varshu
It is a collection of selected stories published from a few schools in Toronto.Mine is on page 97 to 98 of 150 pages.The stories were compiled by Emily Hern and it is 19th edition.
Changes for the Worst
“I, Dr. Kelly am a scientist”. An alarm rang and I thought it was a fire. opened my eyes, and then I realized I was in bed. It was 7:45 AM. Then I woke up and had my breakfast. I had pancakes with maple syrup. I grabbed a glass of milk which was on the table and gulped it. I took the plate and the glass and placed them in the dishwasher. Then I walked to the basement.
My assistant was there. His name was Matt Duff. He had spiky hair. Matt said “Good Morning Dr. Kelly,” then he asked “what are we going to do today?” I re-plied “I am going to try making a volcano without vinegar and baking soda”. I asked Matt to give me the test tubes.
I sat on the couch and thinking about the volcano and climbed the climbed the stairs. I went to the hall and went in the backyard. I sat on a chair and then saw a purple liquid in the glass. It was shinning. Then I called “Matt”. He had the test tubes. I said “Matt can I have a tube and then he gave it to me”. Then I took the glass and poured the liquid into the test tube. So I went to my lab. I poured it into my latest device. The device would identify the liquid, but as the liquid in the glass is unknown, the device could not identify it.
So there was only one way to try it. I wanted to test it on Matt. I didn’t want Matt to know about it. Then I got an idea. I poured the chemical in to a glass and gave it to Matt and said “hey, Matt how about some wine”. I gave it to him. He said “thank you” and drank. For a minute it was quiet. Then I saw a yellow light from his back. Then it got brighter and bigger. The he started to rise. I couldn’t believe I was seeing this. It was scary. Then he stared to float in the air. Then we were at the same height. A red light came from Matt’s chest and went in to my chest. Then we fell down and I went unconscious. Then I had no idea what happened. Then I woke up. I saw an orange light. I screamed. When my mouth opened the light went in to my mouth. So I went unconscious again.
When I woke up everything was okay except I had grey hair all over my hands. I ran to the mirror. Then I discovered I was turned in to a Ware wolf. But I still had a big brain. I tried to shout help but all came out my mouth was “aaaaaaaawwwwwwooooooo....” I was really scared. I didn’t know what to do.
I went to the back yard again. I saw some more of it. I tried to grab it but I heard a noise. It was loud. It was Matt with my latest weapon. So I ran until I hit the fence. So then I hit the fence and it broke.
“Wow that was pretty good” I said to my self. So I continued running. I lived in Britain. He chased me all over London. I stopped and “Matt it is me don’t kill me”. Suddenly I felt pain in my body. I dropped on the hard asphalt. I felt rough. Then I had no idea what happened. Then I woke up again I felt evil. I shouted “aaaaaaaaawwwwwwooooooooo…”
So I ran into the woods. I waited for a month. It was very cold. In the day I used to sleep on the leaves. I was awake at night. I heard a big engine noise. It was an airplane in the sky. But I also become a normal wolf. Until I saw two bright lights, they were heading towards me. So I ran and to another tree. It was a car. It crashed in to a tree. I ran to the car. I used my jaws to get the person out. Then I bit him. He screamed. He suddenly shrank and become a wolf. We stayed together. Now there was only a day left to full moon. We spent the day sleeping and when it was night we saw a round moon.
We grew bigger. We shouted “aaaaaawwwwoo…”
We were heading towards London. A car hit the other Ware wolf. I ran to my home as fast as I can. I went in to my back yard. I had the chemical. I floated and even the other Ware wolf did and I found out the other Ware wolf was Matt. We were turned back in to humans and we were happy.
-------------------------The End!-----------------------
Dear Varshu: That was a prolonged and involved adventure"you", Dr. Kelly and your assistant had in London when you turned into werewolves after offering Matt the purple liquid that started your transformations and then caused his when you bit him. What a relief it must have been when "you"finally returned home to the chemical that restored you to a human state. You, Varshu, are clearly a story teller who enjoys marking up characters and creating intricate plots that involve them. I'll enjoy reading more from your fertile mind....Emily
Lost wife
The man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I have lost my wife here in this supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" the woman asked.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
DEATHS THAT MADE EVEN TOP DOCTORS WONDER...
died in the same bed and all on Sunday mornings at 11a.m, regardless of their
medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with
the supernatural.
No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.
So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the
ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on next Sunday morning few
minutes before 11 a.m. all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward
to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were
holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off
evil........
Just when the clock struck 11 am..
they saw something which left them zapped......
.....................
............................
.................................
.........................................
................................................
..........................................................
Santa Singh, the part-time sweeper for Sunday, entered the ward and
Unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner !!!
Washer man,donkey and dog story
Moral of the story " One must not engage in duties other than his own"........................
Now take a new look at the same story…
The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute. He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night. He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it. Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet. The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed a " meets requirement" Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around. The donkey was rated as "star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a job rotation…
Moral ..."Just do your work.."
If you have worked in a corporate environment, I am sure you haveguessed the characters of the new story.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Cabs Bandh in Hyderabad- Andhra Pradesh(AP)
orange cabs 040 44454647
easy cabs 040 43434343
meeru cabs 040 44224422
Danger: coca -cola and Mentos
So be careful with your self eating MENTOS (POLO's) and drinking COCA-COLA or PEPSI together. CHECK THIS OUT...
Monday, June 2, 2008
Technology changed our lives
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Mukesh ambani's house
The house is 173.12 metres tall, equal to a 60-floor building. However, his home will have only 27 floors, meaning that every floor will have an extremely high ceiling.
The first six floors are intended exclusively as a parking area, for cars which belong to the Mukesh family. A total of 168.
The eighth floor is an entertainment centre with a mini theatre and about 50 seats. The ceiling of the mini theatre is a garden and above it are three more balconies with special gardens – a replica of the gardens of Babylon.
27 floors for a 6-member family
The ninth floor was created for emergency rescue, while two floors above it are reserved for treatments and health.
One of them is furnished with sports equipment, halls and a swimming pool, while the other is a cutting edge gym. Above the health floors are guest rooms which have glass walls instead of classic ones.
The first four floors have a wonderful view of the Arabian Sea and the city itself. These floors are intended for Mukesh, his wife Neeta, their three children and Mukesh`s mother Kokilaben.
600 servants
The top two floors will be maintenance rooms and a control room, which will assist helicopters as they land on the roof
A 600-man permanently employed staff is necessary for maintenance. The home took four years to be built. Atilla does not only impress with its size, but with its most luxurious interior design.
Mukesh owns Reliance Industries, the largest Indian private oil and bio technology company. During the time of Mukesh`s father Dhiru Bhai, wealthy Indians used to hide their fortune.
Obviously, this trend has changed and those who have money want to show it to the entire world
via Javno.com
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Condom packs
The father replies, "Well, you see that 3 pack? That`s for when you`re in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night."
Nodding agreement, the son asks his father, "Then what`s the 6 pack for?"
"That`s for when you`re in college," the father says. "You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning."
Following this line of logic, the son enthusiastically asks what the 12 pack is for.
"That`s for when you`re married, son. You have one for January, one for February, one for March..."
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wonderful wedding invitation
Airlift service .. HAL airport
We are starting a Airport Transfer Service for Bangalore. Since the New airport is far from the city and we feel that Airport Transfers will become very expensive for the Passengers and there will be a definite problem to commute to and from the New Airport. We are introducing our service to make airport Transfers less expensive and still provide the required luxury while taking customers to and from the airport. We will pick up the customers from the Airlift pickup points and drop them to the airport and vice versa bring them to the city from the airport.
Unique features of the Airlift Vehicle
· Airlift will be 6 seat air conditioned Toyota Innova. Individual Bucket seats for all 5 passengers.
· Airlift will have a LCD screen on each passenger seat for personalized entertainment system, these screens will show 5 channels with different contents.
· Airlift has ample overhead covered and secured luggage space.
· Airlift will be Wi-Fi enabled for passengers to browse the internet on the screens and as well as with their laptops.
· Airlift will be driven by our Auto Pilots who will be in uniform and well trained to communicate and present themselves to the customers.
· Airlift will also be tracked by GPS system to ensure efficient on time services and tracking every vehicle to make sure of complete security of passengers.
Airlift is being designed to provide complete comfort and help the passenger to use their commuting time productively.
Pricing: We feel that the Normal City Cab from or to the Airport will cost about 750/- to 1000/- one way. Our service has been priced at Rs. 300/- one way and moreover Return journey for to and from the airport will be Rs. 450/- per person. That is nearly 70% saving on the Airport Transfers vis-Ă -vis a regular City Cab.
How to avail the service:
Book Tickets online on our website www.airliftonline.com through Credit or Debit Card.
Pickup the Prepaid Coupons in any of the Retail Stores and call 9845047788 to make a booking or use the same on www.airliftonline.com
Support:
SMS AIRLIFT to 54545. Our support team will get in touch with you ASAP.
Call our 24/7 call center number 98450 47788 .
Logon to our website www.airliftonline.com for any queries
Friday, May 23, 2008
Everyone needs someone who understands
Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."
"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer.
And with that he let out a whistle," Here, Dolly!" he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.
As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared; this One noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up....
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.
The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."
The world is full of people who need someone who understands.
Self appraisal
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
Boy: "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): "I already have someone to cut my lawn."
Boy: "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now."
Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.
Boy: (with more perseverance) : "Lady, I'll even sweep
your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will
have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach , Florida."
Woman: No, thank you.
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.
Store Owner: "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."
Boy: "No thanks,
Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one. Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the
job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!"