Knotted rope

One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. After the wedding, they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex.
The new bride asks with a sly grin, "What are they doing honey?"
The husband answers, "They`re roping!"
She replies, "Oh, I see!" while trying to hide her knowing expression.
After a few more hours of driving, they pass two horses having sex.
Again the bride asks, "What are they doing honey?"
The husband answers, "They`re roping!"
She replies, "Oh, I see!"
Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed, they started to explore each others` bodies. The bride discovers her husband`s privates.
"What is that?" she asks.
"That`s my rope," he answers.
She slides her hands down further and gasps, "What are those?" she asks.
"They`re my knots," he answers.
Finally the couple begins to make love. After several minutes, the bride says, "Stop honey, wait a minute!
Her husband asks, "What`s the matter honey, am I hurting you?"
"No," the bride replies, "undo those knots, I need more rope.

Weight loss

baba Ramdeve said,
{sabha mein} ketane logo ne apana wait kam kiya hai.

one women- Baba maine, do din me 10 kg loose kiya.

Baba-kaise, sabako bataoo.

Women- main pregnent thee dilevery ho gayee

ha......ha.............ha................ :-)

Perspective of life

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son.

"So, tell me, what you learned from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night...

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us; they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

SRI RAMA NAVAMI SUBHAKANKSHALU ... by shekar

SRIRAAMA! RAAMA! RAAMETHI RAMEE RAAME MANORAMEE

SAHASRANAAMA TATTULYAM RAAMA NAAMA VARAANANE!!

HOW TO ASK YOUR BOSS FOR A SALARY INCREASE..?

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary !!!



Dear Bo$$


In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$ perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding the need$ of u$. We are worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company ..
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I meant and re$ pond $oon .



Your$ $incerely,

Ajay Kumar.


The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :




Dear Ajay,
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOw a days, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticably well . NOw the newspapers are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad . I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean .


---- Your Boss.

Parking rates

A Person walks into a New York City bank and asks to see the loan officer. He
says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan,
so the man hands over the keys of a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in
front of the bank.

Everything is checked out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral
for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage
and parks it there. Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the
interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this
transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are little puzzled. While you
were away, we checked you out and found that u are a multimillionaire. What
puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Person replied," Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for
15 bucks?"

Breast Size

A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are
there?"

The father, surprised, answers: "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In
her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties
to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they
are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, see them and they make you cry."

SOME GREAT QUOTES FOR THE DAY... Soundar

SOME GREAT QUOTES.....

















' = Single quote

and


" = Double quotes.

hahahahahahaha

America ...Too good ..By Neel

One fine morning, every thing was going smooth as usual.

Suddenly, the motors screeched with a sudden brake, when every one in the city just could not believe what had happened toAmerica . It was in New York where the scene was one of total chaos. People cried out in shame.

Many were blaming the former president Mr. Bill Clinton.

Hillary stood staring at her darling husband.
Clinton came to the crowd and said in his words, "I'm Innocent; It's really ridiculous to say I'm the only man behind all these cases. Slowly, I feel I'm losing confidence in myself".

Are you curious to know what had happened???


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SAP recruitment in Satyam

The requirements are in

1.SAP Technical consultants --- ABAP,BW,BASIS,XI,Net weaver

2.SAP Functional Consultants ---- FICO, MM,PP, SD, QM, PM

Experience -- 3-9 years

Interview Time

19-04-2008 10:00 am to 2:00 pm

Interview location

Hyderabad --

Mayfair centre,
S P road,
Secunderabad

Bangalore --

Esteem Towers,
69,
Railway parallel road,
kumara park west,
Seshadripuram, bangalore

Race success meet

Wife ..Husband Jokes

Some wife bashers

If your dog is barking at the back door and your
wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
------------ --------- --------- ----
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed
mother and started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept
repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to
interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain
is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so
deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect
himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
------------ --------- --------- ----

Married life can be very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
------------ --------- --------- -----

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and
threw in a penny.The wife decided to make a wish too. But she leaned over too
much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but
then smiled "It really works!"
------------ --------- --------- ------

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband
exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."
------------ --------- --------- --

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage,
the "y" becomes silent.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she
suspects him, and after death she respects him.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go
thru hell for her. They got married - and now he is going thru hell.
------------ --------- --------

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing
: either the car is new or the wife is
------------ --------- -------

A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, "If
you don't promise to send us $100,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife."
The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my promise
but I hope you will keep yours."
------------ --------- --------- ---------

"What's the matter, you look depressed." "I'm having trouble with my wife."
"What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days."
"But that ought to make you happy." "It did, but today is the last day."

11 Rules For Heathy Friendship

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, But what is more
painful is to love someone and never find the courage
to let that person know how you feel.




2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you,
only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be
and you just have to let go.





3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with,
never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best
conversation you've ever had.





4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's
also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.





5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like
someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime
to forget someone.





6. Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that
fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a
smile to make a dark day seem bright.





7. Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you
want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the
things you want to do.





8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you,
it probably hurts the person too.





9. A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; a
timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.





10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything
they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.



11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you
were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling
and everyone around you is crying.

Wish You A Very Happy BAISAKHI festival....Baisakhi Di Lakh Lakh Vadhaai

HAPPY BAISAKHI TO U ALL!!!!

Significance of Baisakhi

Vibrant Festival of Baisakhi is considered to be an extremely important festival in India for number of reasons. Apart from being important for the farmers as a harvest festival, the festival is of prime importance in Sikhism as a foundation day of Khalsa Panth. Besides, auspicious Baisakhi day is of importance for astrological reasons too !!

Astrological Significance of Baisakhi
The festival of Baisakhi falls on April 13 every year and April 14 once in every 36 years. Change in date is because of the fact that date of Baisakhi is reckoned according to the solar calendar. Astrologically, the date of Baisakhi is significant as marks sun's entry into Mesh Rashi. For this very reason, many people also know Baisakhi as Mesha Sankranti. The auspicious date of Baisakhi is celebrated all over India under different names and rituals. It is celebrated as 'Rongali Bihu' in Assam, 'Naba Barsha' in Bengal, 'Puthandu' in Tamil Nadu, 'Pooram Vishu' in Kerala and 'Vaishakha' in the state of Bihar.

Significance of Baisakhi for Farmers
For the agriculturally rich state of Punjab and Haryana, Baisakhi marks the time for harvest of Rabi (winter) crops and is therefore extremely significant for the farmers. Baisakhi Festival is also celebrated as a Thanksgiving Day festival in these states. After waking up early and dressing themselves in new clothes, farmers visit temples and gurdwaras to express gratitude to God for the good harvest and seek blessing for ensuing agriculture season. Farmers also celebrate Baisakhi by performing energetic bhangra and gidda dance and participating in Baisakhi Fairs.

Significance of Baisakhi in Sikhism
Baisakhi is of major importance for the people following Sikh faith. As it was on a Baisakhi Day, in the year 1699 that the Tenth Guru of Sikhs, Guru Gobind Singh founded Khalsa Panth or the Order of Pure Ones and gave a unique identity to Sikhs. On the same day the guru administered amrit (nectar) to his first batch of five disciples making them Singhs, a martial community. By doing so, he eliminated the differences of high and low and established that all human beings were equal.Sikhs celebrate Baisakhi by participating in special prayer meetings organized at gurdwaras. They also carry out joyful Baisakhi processions to mark the day.

Karah Prasad

Karah Prasad or Kada Prasad is sweet flour based oily vegetarian food that is offered to all visitors to the Durbar Sahib in a Gurdwara (Sikh worship place). This is regarded as food blessed by the Guru and should not be refused. All devotees who visit Gurudwaras on the occasion of Baisakhi Festival to celebrate the birth of Khalsa Panth receive Karah Prasad or Kada Prasad by the sewadars (volunteers). This kada prasad holds a lot of importance in Sikh faith. The religion gives prescribed method of preparation, distribution and the way of receiving kada prasad.

Innovations ..By mala

Spoon

A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an
organization...

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the
waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a
little strange.

When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in
his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in
their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well,' he explained, 'the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to
revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that
the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop
frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are
better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save
15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his
spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making
an extra trip to get it right now.'

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the
waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string
hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse
me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant.

That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the
restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out
without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the
time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent.'

'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

Managers

A team of Managers were given an assignment to measure the height of a

flagpole. So the Managers go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape.

They're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole

thing is just a mess.

An Engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over,

pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end

to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.

After the Engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs."

See this idiot. We're looking for height and he gives the length!"

Moral: "No matter what good you do, Managers can always find fault in

you".

FOUR FRIENDS AT A PARTY!!!!!!!!

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who
remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a
successful company at the bottom of the barrel.

He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the
corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich
that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He
started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a
pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority
of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his
birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best
universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction
company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and
expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the
restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?' One of the three
said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons.
....What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper
at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame...what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he
hasn't done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a
beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line
Mercedes from his three boyfriends. !!!!!!

Perfect husband

Once a man was waiting for a taxi.

A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.

Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.

The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.

The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."

The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".

The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".

The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course.Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".

As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."

Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".

The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad habits looks like."

Trust

Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter,
'Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river.'
The little girl said, 'No, Dad. You hold my hand.'
'What's the difference?' Asked the puzzled father.
'There's a big difference,' replied the little girl.

'If I hold your hand and something happens to me,
chances are that I may let your hand go.
But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens,
you will never let my hand go.'


In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind,

but in its bond.

So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours...
This message is too short......but carries a lot of Feelings.

Secretary fired...

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.



I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.



As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone " Happy Birthday."



I thought...



Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.



My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.



As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday ! "

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.



I worked until one o'clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go !"



We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table.

We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.



On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day...

We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?"



I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind ?" She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."





After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, " Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment.

I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied.



She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ...

Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".





And I just sat there...







On the couch...

IT company

A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Dont kill our Employee...
..... Leave them to us

Interview

After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: ' WE
do have an opening for you..!
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the 'door..!'

Girl and Shopkeeper

Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I
ever loved.!'
Girl: Thats good, Give me 12 of them..!

Question

Someone has rightly said, 'A fool can ask More questions that a wise man
cannot answer'
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

Fear

What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new
and
Just few hours left for your exams..!

Marriage

Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occuring outside the
company..!

Love

An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:
' If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my galfriend has
fallen
off'
Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present..
Its just that,
One loves too much,
and
The other loves too many

Saints and IT professionals

Long back,
a person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
forgot laughter were called
'Saints'
But now they are called.
'IT/ ITES professionals'

Let Boss Speak --- By mala

A Junior Software engineer, a Senior Software engineer and their Project
Manager are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they
come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The
ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,
I will allow one wish each". So the eager Junior Software engineer
shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast
boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff" and he was gone. Now the Senior
Software engineer could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be in
Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff"
and he was also gone.
The Project Manager calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the
office after lunch at 1.30pm"
Moral of the story is:
"Always allow the boss to speak first"